The Dreamer

The first couple of days have come and gone, progress is beginning to override skepticism. Yes, the “Laramie project – 10 years later”. Wow, why am I so excited? Matthew was killed. He was someone’s child that never even saw his 22nd birthday.

‘ON OCTOBER 6, 1998, A GAY UNIVERSITY OF WYOMING STUDENT, MATTHEW SHEPARD, LEFT THE FIRESIDE BAR WITH AARON MCKINNEY AND RUSSELL HENDERSON. THE FOLLOWING DAY HE WAS DISCOVERED AT THE EDGE OF TOWN. HE WAS TIED TO A FENCE, BRUTALLY BEATEN, AND CLOSE TO DEATH.’

I’m trying to convince a friend of mine to audition for a role in the play. One of the roles that still needs to be filled is that of the killer... Go figure. Actually, I personally feel that he is very suited for the role. It’s so strange… a friend portraying a killer? Go big, or go home, is what someone said to me one day.

I love acting; it’s just so strange when it relates to real life situations. When you’re so involved with contemplating sentencing someone to death, the emotions of why, why, why did this have to happen, makes the wounds even deeper. Damn, my son is dead, and you’re looking the killer in the face, so engulfed with hate. Moments like these, become so real inside you, and by the end of the day you’re exhausted.

As I was saying earlier, I struggled with bullying as a youth growing up. My choice to become an artist from the age of 10 certainly was not common, especially for a male to want to become a ballet dancer. A quote from the Detroit newspaper: “he tossed off pirouettes, like kids his age toss snowballs”. This was published when I was about 13 years old, as I was asked to perform in Dance Detroit’s version of the nutcracker from 1976-1980. I managed to survive this in my elementary school years, as my teachers were aware of the bullying, and asked if I wanted to perform a dance number at our grade 8 graduation. I have been so grateful all these yrs, for them suggesting this, as all the students sincerely congratulated me, and all put their words in the program, to apologize for their behaviour… I still have that program to this day.

Unfortunately, this all started over again once I entered into high school. It didn’t help that I was one of, if not the shortest kid entering grade 9. I was better able to handle it though, having said what I just indicated earlier. I have to thank most of my family as well, for understanding and supporting me along the way.

I should mention that I became interested in ballet thanks to a touring group with the National Ballet of Canada that performed at our school in London. I went home that night and informed my parents that I wanted to start dancing. My mother, bless her heart, handed me over the phone book, and said go to it. Fortunately, my first choice was “Dorothy Carter’s School of Dance Arts,” later to become under the direction of her daughter, “Victoria Carter’s London Dance Centre”.

I’m certain we can’t do things alone. I don’t have a direct reason as to why I succeeded as far as I did; only that many loved ones were there when they were needed. Certainly, stubbornness on my part helped, and that even became a deterrent at times.

As I said earlier, this is also why I chose to be part of this play. I’m only hoping that some of my own positive experiences can be shared with those, who may have their own struggles to contend with, in regards to such unfortunate behaviours from others.

Before I close off again for now, I spent the evening with a friend last night and we decided to go to a karaoke bar. To my surprise, this was not the usual country and western style music… I only sung a couple of songs. Garth brooks – If Tomorrow Never Comes, as well as, Frank Sinatra’s My Way. The bar was full of college students, so you can imagine how noisy it was… when I sung My Way, you could almost hear a pin drop. I’ve been singing this song a long time also, as it seems to relate to my life more than one can imagine.