By Megan DePutter, Positive Prevention Coordinator

Last week was our workshop on sero-discordant relationships, or in simpler terms, relationships where one person is HIV positive and the other is negative (also known as magnetic couples). Our speaker, Ian, was there with his partner. He spoke openly and honestly about the journey that they went through together as a couple. It was wonderful to see a couple that was so happy together, but clearly, it was their commitment to communication that has made their relationship so strong.

When Ian and his partner first got together, there were a lot of questions and fears. But Ian pointed out that to every argument for why they shouldn’t be together, there was always a counter argument. There are always solutions to any problem, and at the heart of the solution usually lies communication.

Many HIV negative people have a lot of misconceptions about the virus, so education is really important. This is true not only for the negative partner, but also for friends, family and loved ones of the negative partner. Some friends and family members of Ian’s partner were initially weary of the relationship, but they came to terms with it as they became better educated. Ian couldn’t take full responsibility for teaching his partner everything about HIV and AIDS, so his partner took initiative to learn everything he could. He did his own research, he attended the speakers’ bureau talks through PWA, he spoke to his family doctor, and he became connected with other related agencies.

Relationships are never easy, regardless of your sero-status, but when HIV is thrown into the mix, there are a lot of tough questions that need to be addressed. For Ian and his partner, this was actually a blessing of sorts, because they were able to develop a strong bond and healthy communication patterns early on in the relationship. They spent several months working with a counsellor and solicited support from their minister. This has undoubtedly strengthened their relationship.

What I was most struck by in this workshop was a simple, but profound message, which Ian delivered with eloquence and conviction: No matter who you are, you are worthy of love. People who are positive may have to do quite of a bit of "deprogramming" from all the stigma and hate that they have received.  But Ian told the group, “HIV is but a small part of who you are” and he encouraged all participants to view themselves as being capable and loveable – “people should be blessed to be with you,” he said.

Tips for strong communication:
- Be honest.
- Trust the other person.
- Check in frequently.
- Recognize that things change in a relationship – they require ongoing communication and negotiation.
- Listen – really listen to what the other person is saying.
- Find a counsellor who can help you learn how to listen and communicate better.
- Speak from the heart.

Thank you to Ian for his inspiring message!