(Continued from Snowbirds, part one)

I was well aware of the U.S. policy that anyone suspected of being HIV positive would be turned back at the border. Therefore I was a bundle of nerves and nauseous in the backseat of my father-in-law's car. All 97 lbs of me was wrapped up in Gordon's winter coat. Alex said "let me do all the talking. Only talk if they ask you a question".

The suspense was killing me. I had been worrying about this since the day I found out I was going. Just before I had left for Florida, my HIV specialist had enrolled me in a drug trial.Previous to this I had thrown my meds in the garbage convinced that they wouldn't work for me either. But... I figured Gordon would want me to give it my best shot. So I gave in. Keep in mind that was '96 and he had been ill three years prior to the new Antiviral drugs that came out. My combination was AZT, Squinivair and DDI. Three times a day, one hour before or two hours after meals.

Florida! I am so happy to be here! First thing, I met the snowbirds (no, not the the ones who fly jets) but a wonderful exuberant bunch of seniors.We played cards, barbequed and one lady showed me how to make a 5x5 inch dress shirt out of five American one dollar bills. It even had a collar. One of the other ladies took me under her wing and told me she was taking me to the straw market. I bought so much stuff - including a set of luggage - that I had to pay $20.00 at the airport because I was over my limit lol.

I ignored the fact that I shouldn't be out in the direct sunlight as one of the med bottles had stated. I soon started to experience strange occurrences with my vision.Walking into the grocery store I notice the words such as Specials, Produce or ice cream would appear to me like this: S e ials,P duce, ce cre m.When I looked at a person the only way I could describe it was... you know on t.v. when they try to hide a persons identity by blurring their face? I was horrified. Later it changed to a shattered glass effect.Lori suggested we go get a drink and sit before we drove home. It seemed to pass and I was able to get us back to the trailer park.

Disneyland was a blast. But my most devastating moment came at the Florida state fair. Alex had wandered off to look in the agriculture building. Lori wanted to sit down and rest a moment so I told her I would be right back and I slipped back to a booth we had passed earlier.Waiting and watching the boisterous young man trying to coax people to let him guess there age or weight. I figured no way would he guess my weight. I was wearing Alex's jacket (because of the weight loss I was feeling cold.) " 97 LBS" says the carnie in front of me. "No way,"  I said,  "I weigh 99lbs!" He replied, "well let's see - get on the scale."

Slowly I return to Lori fighting back the tears."What happened?" Lori asks. I admit to her what I did. She tried to assure me that things would be okay and off we went to see what had Alex's attention.The rest of my trip went by quickly and soon I am back home watching the video of the auction where the chair we calibrated was sold for $75.00. the money donated to my ASO.

CM

The first couple of days have come and gone, progress is beginning to override scepticism. Yes, the “Laramie project – 10 years later”. Wow, why am I so excited? Matthew was killed. He was someone’s child that never even saw his 22nd birthday.

‘ON OCTOBER 6, 1998, A GAY UNIVERSITY OF WYOMING STUDENT, MATTHEW SHEPARD, LEFT THE FIRESIDE BAR WITH AARON MCKINNEY AND RUSSELL HENDERSON. THE FOLLOWING DAY HE WAS DISCOVERED AT THE EDGE OF TOWN. HE WAS TIED TO A FENCE, BRUTALLY BEATEN, AND CLOSE TO DEATH.’

I’m trying to convince a friend of mine to audition for a role in the play. One of the roles that still needs to be filled is that of the killer... Go figure. Actually, I personally feel that he is very suited for the role. It’s so strange… a friend portraying a killer? Go big, or go home, is what someone said to me one day.

I love acting; it’s just so strange when it relates to real life situations. When you’re so involved with contemplating sentencing someone to death, the emotions of why, why, why did this have to happen, makes the wounds even deeper. Damn, my son is dead, and you’re looking the killer in the face, so engulfed with hate. Moments like these, become so real inside you, and by the end of the day you’re exhausted.

As I was saying earlier, I struggled with bullying as a youth growing up. My choice to become an artist from the age of 10 certainly was not common, especially for a male to want to become a ballet dancer. A quote from the Detroit newspaper: “he tossed off pirouettes, like kids his age toss snowballs”. This was published when I was about 13 years old, as I was asked to perform in Dance Detroit’s version of the nutcracker from 1976-1980. I managed to survive this in my elementary school years, as my teachers were aware of the bullying, and asked if I wanted to perform a dance number at our grade 8 graduation. I have been so grateful all these yrs, for them suggesting this, as all the students sincerely congratulated me, and all put their words in the program, to apologize for their behaviour… I still have that program to this day.

Unfortunately, this all started over again once I entered into high school. It didn’t help that I was one of, if not the shortest kid entering grade 9. I was better able to handle it though, having said what I just indicated earlier. I have to thank most of my family as well, for understanding and supporting me along the way.

I should mention that I became interested in ballet thanks to a touring group with the National Ballet of Canada that performed at our school in London. I went home that night and informed my parents that I wanted to start dancing. My mother, bless her heart, handed me over the phone book, and said go to it. Fortunately, my first choice was “Dorothy Carter’s School of Dance Arts,” later to become under the direction of her daughter, “Victoria Carter’s London Dance Centre”.

I’m certain we can’t do things alone. I don’t have a direct reason as to why I succeeded as far as I did; only that many loved ones were there when they were needed. Certainly, stubbornness on my part helped, and that even became a deterrent at times.

As I said earlier, this is also why I chose to be part of this play. I’m only hoping that some of my own positive experiences can be shared with those, who may have their own struggles to contend with, in regards to such unfortunate behaviours from others.

Before I close off again for now, I spent the evening with a friend last night and we decided to go to a karaoke bar. To my surprise, this was not the usual country and western style music… I only sung a couple of songs. Garth brooks – If Tomorrow Never Comes, as well as, Frank Sinatra’s My Way. The bar was full of college students, so you can imagine how noisy it was… when I sung My Way, you could almost hear a pin drop. I’ve been singing this song a long time also, as it seems to relate to my life more than one can imagine.

I've learned.... to keep looking ahead. There are still so many good books to read,sunsets to see, friends to visit and old dogs to take walks with.

from LIFE'S LITTLE TREASURE BOOK... ON HOPE. H.JACKSON BROWN JR.

Our local ASO was hosting their annual Chairs For Charity auction in Feb.'97. I felt I wanted to do something in Gordon's memory. So I approached my father-in-law Alex with an idea. He was totally on board .I now needed to acquire a chair we could use as our canvas. Racing up to my parent's home to scrounge around, my mother suggested that there were two chairs in one of the unused back rooms upstairs. Perfect! They had belonged to a set that was from the 1920s. They had a home in my great grandparents house until they somehow wound up in our farmhouse.What a great find! Alex couldn't wait to get started He whisked it off to have it stripped, while Lori, my mother-in-law, and I made plans for our up coming trip to Florida.(I was driving down with her and Alex and flying back in a week.)as they were staying much longer. When Alex returned, off we went to Lens Mills to get some patterned fabric for the seat. It was off-white with red roses and green leaves. It turned out the the chair was walnut and in good shape. Alex stenciled "EVEN HEROES NEED TO REST "on the front of the chair. I was sent out to get varnish, and when I got back he had added something to the back of the chair. I asked why the intertwining roses? He replied, "they represent the love you and my son had for each other." AWWWWWWWWWWWWW. Okay, after I put the varnish on, the chair is ready. One problem: the auction is halfway through my trip to Florida. So my sisters Beth and Val will drop it off and return for the auction. They will take the video camera.

To be continued........

The Dreamer

I'm sitting alone in the Queen Street Commons Café downtown Kitchener, ON.. With respect to turning 50 yrs old this year, I ponder why I haven’t settled down with someone, and am planning for the next 50 yrs. It’s not too late, I keep telling myself, and still I’m sitting here alone. In a couple of days I begin rehearsals for the Laramie Project – 10 yrs later. With the reality of playing Matthew’s Father, trying to convince people of this, is what’s churning in my mind. Being a healthy, vibrant, actively searching and happy-go-lucky kind of guy, I’m still sitting here alone.
There’s an incredibly gorgeous guy that sits beside me. Should I indulge in conversation? I remember this guy from sitting on a park bench downtown, one day last summer, drinking my coffee and smoking my cigarette. (So much for that idea, as a couple of friends of his just came in and sat down, I’m still sitting here alone.)

I never even thought I would see 35 yrs of age, after having been diagnosed HIV+ when I was 31. This was an incredible turning point in my life, as I had just retired from a 17 yr career as a performing artist (classical ballet dancer). With turning 50 this yr, I am so so grateful for the friends I’ve made along this HIV journey, and you all know who you are. As an artist of any sort, especially one that is so physically demanding, you all of sudden become aware of getting older, and having to retire at an age where, it is extremely difficult to find other work, for some, in a totally foreign profession. I certainly will blog about these adventures, hopefully in the near future.

I would like to take this time to express my thanks to a couple of people, who have deeply inspired me to take on this blogging. Support services at ACG – AIDS COMMITTEE of GUELPH for asking me to jump on board, as well as Church Mouse, for your long-time friendship and compassion, to take this on for yourself, and encourage me to do the same through your own words… again, thanks guys.

 The Dreamer

 By the Dreamer

As I wrote in my last post, I’m currently now undertaking 3 roles in the production. Below I have shared some quotations from the script, to give you an idea of the roles I’ve be chosen for in the “Laramie Project – 10 years later”.

Please note – any sentences or paragraphs in "quotations" are quotes taken directly from the script... again thank-you, and I hope you all enjoy as we go.

My role as Dennis Shepard – (Matthews’ Father)
“My son Matthew did not look like a winner. He was rather uncoordinated and wore braces from the age of 13 until the day he died. However, in his all too brief life he proved that he was a winner. On October 6, 1998, my son tried to show the world that he could win again. On October 12, 1998, my first born son, and my hero, lost. On October 12,1998, my first born son, and my hero, died, 50 days before his 22nd birthday.”

My role as Dave O’Malley – (Retired Laramie police officer - Lead Investigator) on the Matthew Shepard case
“Well, I tell you what, we now have the AIDS Walk here in Laramie, it’s in its 6th year, OK? And its grown. Last year we raised around $22,000 dollars. And $5,000 dollars at drag queen bingo alone! I mean we had drag queens at the Cowboy Bar. Jim and Jason and Travis and they put on just a great production you know. Yeah, at the Cowboy Bar!”

My role as Matt Michelson – (Former owner of the Fireside Bar)
“Yeah, I had to sell the Fireside. On one side people were like, 'Local Gay Bar' and then on the other they’re like, 'Crazy Red-neck Gay Slayers!' For seven years---I tried to ride that shit out. I did eight hundred and some thousand dollars in sales that year that Matt was killed. The next year I did forty three thousand, crushed me. I had put that shit up for sale.”

I’ve chosen to blog about the ‘Laramie Project – 10 years later’, as I feel Matthews’ life should always be remembered. I know nothing about Matthew, and I’ve never acted in a play with such content of information, that makes you feel so overwhelmed with emotion and emptiness. This certainly would not have been a choice of Matthews’, to have been brutally murdered, may he rest in peace. There are many tragic events that take place in life as we all know, however, I don’t believe there are words to describe a persons’ fate brought on by someone else of this magnitude. It certainly is not my intent to distinguish between right or wrong, defend or criticize, and there have already been many occasions why I feel I’m even undertaking if you will, this role towards trying to make sense of it all.

With respect to all of this, my hope is that the Shepard Family will always carry with them, the undying love and support that has come out of this tragedy.

Again, Matthew – may you REST IN PEACE

The Dreamer

Please welcome our new blogger in the PHA Speaker's Corner Series: The Dreamer

Greetings Everyone,

Let me introduce myself as "The Dreamer…" I found the name fitting, simply because I suppose a perfect existence for myself and others is ultimately what I seek in life. There’s no chance of that I know, but keep on dreaming, I tell myself.

"Is the love I gave her in the past / going to be enough to last / If Tomorrow Never Comes”…Garth Brooks. I sing this song a lot at karaoke.

I’m a male resident of Kitchener, ON, having moved here from my hometown London, ON in 1995. I’m a long-time volunteer with an AIDS organization, as well as a client, as I was diagnosed HIV+ in 1993. I also do volunteer work for an HIV/HEPC Specialist, who said to me one day, "why don’t you write a book." I suppose by blogging, it’s a start to that adventure.

I’m currently undertaking a couple of roles in the ‘LARAMIE PROJECT – 10 years later’. I will be blogging about my experiences with this production. I chose to be part of this play to show my own undying respect, for a young gentleman – Matthew Shepard, who only wanted to show the world who he really was. I’m certain that Matthew's life, as short as it was, will never be forgotten. These types of injustices and cruelty to mankind as a whole, just shows us how vulnerable this world is to meaning nothing. Also, this production, being held at the bar SIZZLE in Cambridge, ON, in the end of April, 2012, strives to focus on essential concerns towards bullying, that affect so many of us, especially amongst the youth in society. This is something that hits home for me, as I was bullied most of my elementary school years.

Please note: The members of the Tectonic Theatre Group gathered the information and created the play, which is being graciously directed and hosted by the owners of SIZZLE.

Note: ACG's new Hep-tonic blog  posts will be available here on our community blog. They are also available at the Hep-tonic blog page .

I would like to take this opportunity to introduce the Hep-tonic blog. The first Hep-tonic bloggers are Ruby Tuesday and Taboo. They will be sharing their personal stories on: their struggles with addictions, growing up, and living with Hep C. I really think that you will enjoy reading their stories. I know I have!   Cassandra Sheppard Hepatitis C Outreach Coordinator

by B.J. Caldwell, Educator

Just a reminder that the deadlines for scholarships to the Canadian AIDS Society: 2012 People Living with HIV/AIDS Forum and AGM is coming this Friday! The Forum and AGM will be in Toronto June 13-15th.

For more information, check out our calendar listing

 By B.J. Caldwell, Educator

For those people infected with both HIV and Hepatitis C, the treatment of their Hep C just got a bit more complicated. With the two new powerful and effective drugs that recently hit the market to treat Hep C, the likelihood of curing Hep C in more people has become a reality. With telaprevir (a protease inhibitor itself) we were already aware of quite a few interactions with HIV  ritonavir-boosted protease inhibitors that made that drug not ideal for many people on HIV treatment. Boceprevir, the other new Hep C drug, initially had much fewer HIV related drug-drug interactions making it seem the better choice for those coinfected with Hep C and HIV.

Merck, the makers of boceprevir, recently sent out a "Dear Dr." letter to physicians regarding some new results showing that it, too, had some significant interactions with ritonavir-boosted HIV protease inhibitors. Merck now does not recommend using boceprevir with ritonavir-boosted HIV PIs.

This means that, currently, there is no optimal Hep C protease inhibitor for HepC/HIV coinfected patients, especially those on a ritonavir-boosted PI for their HIV treatment. It also shows why careful assessment of coinfected people is critical ---- many coinfected people are stable enough to wait until the next wave of Hep C drugs coming down the pipeline. And there have been some AMAZING early results with drugs currently in testing (as presented at the annual AASLD conference late last year). Breathtaking, really. More on those later!

by B.J. Caldwell, Educator

When the most recent treatment guidelines came out last year suggesting that we begin HIV treatment earlier (at least when a person's CD4 count reached 500, with more than half the panel suggesting above 500) it was a continuation of a trend : treat HIV earlier. The evidence continues to mount that the early treatment of HIV disease is the best for both the person living with HIV and their long-term outcomes and quality of life; and, their HIV negative partners in relation to reducing transmission.

It is time to retire the "you may have 10 years before needing to go on therapy" counseling, something that might have been done in the past to soften the blow of someone hearing that they're HIV positive. This kind of delay is highly unlikely, and may be limited to the small fraction of patients who have very low HIV viral load and very high CD4s. With the recently released Setpoint study (Journal of Infectiousd Diseases), which was stopped early due to the results received, it shows that even in newly infected HIV+ people should they decide to defer treatment, there is a high likelihood they will need to start treatment relatively soon. Important to note that the results would have been even more in favour had the study used the new treatment guidelines of starting treatment at 500 (the study was organized in the early 2000s before the change was made)

And with the presentation of a study at the IAS Conference in Rome last year that showed that early HIV treatment (CD4 count of 350-550) prevents HIV from being passed onto uninfected partners by at least 96%, the concept of (HIV) Treatment as (HIV) Prevention has even more basis in science. It received a standing ovation from those at the conference. While Seek and Treat programs (many of which are fashioned after the BC Centre for Excellence in HIV/AIDS) have some serious challenges, including ethical and logistical ones, the science is becomming more clear: by using treatment to reduce the viral load of those with HIV in our communities (aka community viral load), there is less HIV transmission.

By: Taboo

April 5th, 2003 started like any other day. I awoke, and went out to get my morning methadone drink and some smokes. As I was on my route home, BANG!!!! That’s when it happened….. I was in a car accident. That bang will resonate in my head for the rest of my days. I can’t say I remember much, other than not wanting to die. After that, it was lights out. Apparently they took me via helicopter to Sunnybrook Hospital. I was busted up pretty bad; both of my legs were dislocated, my hips were fractured, my pelvis was broken, and my right patella (kneecap) was shattered. I remember coming to for a moment as a gentleman was casting my right leg from hip to toe, and then I was right back out. I had a fractured disc in my neck, multiple head lacerations and a concussion. My status at this point was referred to as non weight bearing (confined to a bed and a wheelchair). Not bad for a day’s work, ha! Needless to say, I was on enough meds to put an elephant out.

The next time I awoke, I was not in a room, but in the basement of the hospital, and I was surrounded by concrete block walls. I can remember 2 girls watching over me. There were no lights, just the emergency lighting. When I asked where I was, one of the girls walked out, and the other one provided no answer, and then I was out again. The next time I came to, it was 2 days later. I was in a room with a view, and I was hooked up to everything. Apparently they did my toxicology report, which indicated zero drugs and zero alcohol. What they didn’t consider is that I had just taken my methadone 5 minutes before the accident. It hadn’t soaked into my body; and for that reason, it hadn’t shown up in the report, so they pumped me full of morphine. When my methadone kicked in, I went under. They had to Narcan me to get me stable. I suppose this was all kept hush hush because it wasn’t in any reports, and when questions were asked, no-one was available.

For the next 2 weeks I was doted on and kept a very close eye on. Then came rehabilitation time.

I was taken to a rehabilitation centre not too far away. I was determined to get out of this wheelchair. It had a stigma all on its own. So I went at it hard. I did water exercises in the pool, anything I could do in the gym, I was even working from my chair. After being told that I may not walk as good as some people, or maybe not even at all, I worked day in and day out to prove that theory wrong.

It took me 6 months, but I was on my way home, and I was walking!

All was great. Here I am, 5 to 6 years later, still on all the same meds that I am still very dependent on. I am very lucky to be walking, but I can’t do the stairs the way I used to be able to. I can’t run anymore, and I walk with a bit of a limp. Heavy lifting or repetitive tasks are a definite problem for me. But with a regimen of pain suppressants, I manage once again to live and love my life. My biggest problem now seems to be the stigma in dealing with my ongoing chronic pain, and trying to find help in my battle against it.

Taboo

By: Ruby Tuesday

 So here I sit, a 40 something female. I like to see myself as a throw back from   the sixties. My son on the other hand says that I am just embarrassing and crazy. What does he know at 15? I sit and ponder at my last comment “what does he know?” Well, I think back to being 15, and from what I remember……. I knew it all!! Oh yes, there was nothing, and I mean nothing, I didn’t know. I had it all figured out.
By the time I was 16, I was quitting school and getting me a nice little job up the road at the Life Jacket Factory. Perfect!! No more school and no more mom telling me what to do. I was gonna save up and get me an apartment. I’d have the coolest little set up ever. I can still see it in my mind’s eye.

On December 18th sometime in the late 70’s, which is my birthday that I share with Keith Richards (explains my craziness), The Who was playing on the TV. I was turning 16. Well YEE FREAKIN HAW! We had all dropped a couple of hits of Acid (or A-Bomb). What a party……. I think.
When Monday morning rolled around I insisted on telling my mom my little plan. You know, the one with the job and my own apartment. I couldn’t believe my ears! She says to me “What a great idea!” Can you believe it? What a great freakin idea! My mom is the coolest ever! Then she gives me a big smile and says, “as soon as you get the job, we'll sit down and figure out your room and board”. “WHAT?” I say, “I can’t afford room and board, I’m saving for my cool little apartment”. At that point my mom sprang the “nothing in life is free” speech at me.

After the lovely little speech, my mother then earned the pet name Grezelda.

Grezelda let the little speech soak in for a few days. I was then informed that if I attended school, I could live there free and mother dearest (Grezelda) would support me. No school….. no freebies. Unfortunately, since I had my “major plan” I had missed so much school (168 days), that I was unable to get all my credits. Brilliant!! More time in school. Now What?

To be continued……..
Teenage wasteland, oh yeah they’re all wasted!
The Who – Yes Album
Who’s Next?

Ruby Tuesday

by B.J. Caldwell, Educator

CATIE's Positive Side magazine has a great article on SimonThwaites (by Jennifer McPhee). Simon first made headlines taking the Canadian Armed Forces to court for firing him for being HIV positive in 1989 (which was upheld by the Federal Court of Canada in 1994 in a landmark decision) and has since found a new way to connect with others via his art.[Above Artwork: Frustration, by Simon Thwaites]

AT THE END OF YOUR DAYS, BE LEANING FORWARD - NOT FALLING BACKWARD.

-LIFE'S LITTLE TREASURE BOOK, ON HOPE H.JACKSON BROWN,JR. Dec.3/96  

Dearest Gordon,

Yesterday I gave a presentation at the University Of Waterloo. I felt it was the best I have done so far! I was totally prepared and proud of myself for being able to keep on doing what I needed to be doing; educating others about my illness. I knew that my niece Jen was planning on being in the audience as she was a student there. What I was not prepared for was her reaction to what I was saying... she knew my diagnosis. At the end of the presentation as she was patiently waiting to talk to me I could tell she was fighting back the tears putting up a brave front (it runs in the family). When she finally got a chance she said "I didn't know Grandma has cancer!" Ooopppps! I had been talking about how difficult it was to be there for my husband and be able to get home to see my mom who was struggling with cancer. Jen said she suspected it but... I confirmed it. Oh dear.

Dear Hon, Dec 4.

Another speech another school. I am bouncing off the walls. Today the students were so attentive you could hear a pin drop in the class room. I am breaking the stereotype, having been a married woman - not an IV drug user, gay man or ever having a blood transfussion. I was talking to Mary today and she shared with me that after the funeral her and Linda had gone for supper and ended up singing Karaoke. They chose a song apporpiate of you my dear: "Born To Be Wild." She said you would be laughing and shaking your head at their efforts. Lately my emotions are so all over the place. Relaxing in a hot bath that evening it all of a sudden hit me .... I could die too!

Dear Gordon, Dec 10th

As Christmas is swiftly approaching, I don't feel like putting up a tree, but... I have volunteered my party room downstairs for our dinner. Because I had them play the Little Drummer Boy at your service it has made it difficult at this time of year. The funeral home sent me a notice that they will be adding a special Christmas bulb to this year's display in the park in your memory. I was out at another high school when a timid little voice with tears in her eyes asked me, "how can you be here?" I told her, "because this is where my husband would want me to be."

After Christmas I stopped to thank the nurse who had been so kind to me that last night of your life. When she saw me standing in the emergency department she said "I have been thinking about you and wondering how you were?" She shared with me how after the doctors had Gordon stabilized, she had joked with him and he smiled at her. She turned away to do something and when she looked back he had quietly slipped away. She said she was so surprised and felt absolutely awful because she was coming to get me. After leaving the hospital I needed a hug and some company so I went to Beth's.I had recently got my hair cut and permed. Chris the 3yr old asked me" what's your hair doing?" I explained that I curled and coloured it. "Oh, you got new hair!"

Gordon, talking with my buddy Colleen,she told me that a friend had called you Charlie Brown. I thought you were more like Snoopy in personality because of the way Snoopy always took care of Woodstock, making sure he was safe from the storm. Your sister was kind enough to buy me a Christmas gift because she knew you were worried about not being able to go shop for me yourself. I miss your wink and your smile.

ALONE Alone again,sad but true,

I will never stop loving you.

With you I shared my deepest thoughts and tears,

With me you shared your pain and fears.

It takes a lot of courage not to complain,

To force a smile when in so much pain.

You gave me the gifts of strength and courage too,

My guardian angel is definitely you.

You say "we will meet again someday."

I remind myself of this each and everyday. CM

I wanted to express a great big thank you to all of our participants and volunteers who made this a great year! To those of you who have participated in the Positive Prevention workshops, Train-the-Trainer, the testing campaign, the research study, and other events, thank you from the bottom of my heart for contributing your time, effort, knowledge and humour! I appreciate the diversity of experiences, ideas and personalities that make this a very special community. I am very glad to be a part of it!

I look forward to new adventures this next year and hope that each one of you experience the same.

Have a safe and happy holiday. ACG will be closed all next week, reopening on January 2nd.

Best wishes and season's greetings!

Megan DePutter,

Positive Prevention Coordinator

By Church Mouse

Life has thrown its worst at me today

They've come and swept my friend away.

The years we had, but a few

How do I understand what has happened to you.

The shock seems to mask my pain,

It's to hard to Imagine not seeing you again.

I knew this day would come, sometime love.

Maybe the word came from up above.

You took with me part of my identity

I hope you have found serenity.

I like to think we were two of a kind

Like two roses carefully intertwined.

One heart, one love, one soul.

But with you gone there is just a dark empty hole.

It resides in my heart you see,  I'm not sure what will set it free.

They say time heals all wounds my friend

But how can my heart possibly mend.

It feels open and vulnerable but you can't see,

I hide it well, It's a trait of me.

Tomorrow is another day so I will push on with al I've got.

Because it was you I really sought.

May you rest in peace my special one,

Your battle has finally been won.

CM

by B.J. Caldwell, HIV Educator

This past year the HIV community in North America lost an amazing physican whose online contributions to The Body website were both prolific, extremely honest, and often absolutely hilarious. In addition to his own practice and foundation he was a very frequent poster in the Safe Sex and Prevention forum part of the website answering all kinds of questions.

When I first entered the HIV field and was doing a lot of personal education online and came across Bob's QnA's. I learned a lot, and laughed even more. His personality, humour, and friendly attitude instantly became something I aspired to. I frequently made return trips to the site and continued to learn and laugh.And when I get certain questions in my role as an HIV educator, I always think of Dr. Bob.

Like many people, I was shocked to learn that he had passed away recently (Sept. 17) and instantly thought of some of my favourite posts of his. Each year The Body staff would look over all the QnA's for the "Truest but Strangest" questions. Dr. Bob was "the reigning master" of these types of questions and his were often chosen. They have just put together a list of 10 "Best of the Dr. Bob" QnA's (6 new ones, and 4 all-time classics). If you haven't had the pleasure of 'meeting' Dr. Bob (or if you are a long-time fan) I encourage you to check out this recent "Best of Dr. Bob" list and vote for your favourite.

It's time to rest now, Bob. Thanks for inspiring and educating me, and thousands of others.

by B.J. Caldwell, HIV Educator

The Canadian HIV/AIDS Legal Network's campaign to fix the current CAMR legislation (so it can actually work providing low-cost generic HIV drugs to developing countries hardest hit by HIV) needs your help.

Please read their call for help and donate if you can. A donation in someone's name can be a great holiday gift! Just sayin!. From the legal network:

It’s Week #2 of the Fix CAMR giving campaign and we have raised over $2700 dollars so far. We have been thrilled by the response from Canadians across the country who care about reforming Canada’s Access to Medicines Regime and ensuring people in the developing world have affordable access to the medicines they need to survive. But our campaign can’t move ahead without support from people like you. WE NEED YOU to help us reach our $10 000 goal. Please visit http://www.medicinesforall.ca today and give what you can to support the campaign to fix CAMR. This money will help us make sure 2012’s expected new legislation gets through Parliament and is passed into law so Canada can start exporting life-saving, affordable drugs to those most in need in the developing world.
Please also help us promote this campaign far and wide by sharing this email with your networks, friends and family, tweeting the campaign website and sharing it with your friends on Facebook. Don’t forget that if you donate by December 25th you will be entered to win a concert prize pack from Juno-award winning artist and fellow CAMR Reformer, K’NAAN.
The need for global, equitable access to medicines is just as urgent as ever. People are dying because they cannot afford to buy life.There's no time to waste. Please visit www.medicinesforall.ca and donate today to help fund the campaign to fix CAMR and make good on Canada’s promise of years ago to supply more affordable drugs to developing countries.

In Solidarity,
Canadian HIV/AIDS Legal Network

CATIE has posted some great information on a recently released study looking at the effects of being coinfected with HIV and HBV (Hepaititis B Virus). While, of course, more study is needed it does provide some interesting data that should help inform researchers and treating physicians. The study results show that it is more important than we thought to both prevent HBV infection and treat it effectively and as soon as possible in those who are coinfected.

By Church Mouse

Man is expected to be strong and courageous and made of steel
He is often challenged to how he should feel
How much pain is one to bear?
When you are losing your health, it's just not fair
My man stood steadfast in his fight, he didn't let hope get out of sight
He never tried to blame anyone for his fate
For he knew it was much too late
He accepted things for what they were
He knew I would always be there
My knight, in shining armour bound
Slipped away without a sound
I'm sure his grandma told him, "come with me,"
"Your pain has now set you free."
"God sent me back for you,
Your faith came shining through."
Your time on earth has come to an end,
You'll never be forgotten, my beautiful friend.
Love, CM

By Church Mouse

Man spends his whole life running from feelings with the mistaken belief that you cannot bear the pain. But you have already born the pain; what you have not done is to feel all that you are beyond the pain
-Bartholomew

I had a presentation to make at the nearby college, so Lisa’s husband Rick and Gordon’s brother Pete came to visit while Lisa accompanied me. It gave the guys a chance to talk without me hovering around fretting.

Gordon’s grandmother’s funeral was the 12th of November. We both felt bad that we weren't able to attend. We were dealing with life now hour by hour (I couldn't see this at the time.) That particular day started out like any other of the past three years. We were watching "Coach" on the television that evening and we were laughing at the attics of Luther, the one that pulled his dog around the college campus in a wagon. I couldn't hug or touch Gordon; about the only thing I could do was kiss him on the cheek. Even the weight of the blanket shot pain through his legs. He made the comment that he was feeling very congested and asked me to call the doctor. I left a message for the doctor to call us.

Since he was so calm and there was no sense of urgency, I went to soak in a hot bath. My husband would tease me that by the time the tub was filled up I would be back out again! This night I was exhausted and anxious. I started sobbing telling God, “I just can handle anymore!!!" How does that saying at A.A. go? LET GO AND LET GOD!!

When I returned to Gordon he calmly said, "Call an ambulance." Minutes later the cops were pounding on the door. I don't even remember if I buzzed them in. The lady officer advised me to gather Gordon’s meds and health card. Returning to the bedroom the last words I heard Gordon say to the paramedics was, "Please help me I can hardly breathe!!!" Outside the officer asked me, "Do you want to come with me to the hospital?" Before I could answer the paramedic opened the passenger side door of the rig and I hoped in. There was a little window behind me but I was terrified to look back to see what was going on.

At the hospital Gordon was whisked off behind doors that read “Do not enter” and I was left to wait and wait and wait alone. I never thought to call anyone. It was the wee hours of the morning. Now I wished I had. I hated being separated from the one I loved. Time seemed to stand still. Finally a nurse came and got me, taking me down a corridor where a very young doctor inquired to what my husband’s wishes were. “Did he want to be resuscitated?" I knew the answer but had a hard time saying that one word.

The doctor wandered off like it was an everyday occurrence. A very compassionate nurse wearing a pastel coloured uniform (why would I remember such an insignificant detail?) led me into another room where Gordon was lying in the bed. Staring at him in disbelief I said, “He's not breathing!!!" She said quietly, "You told us that he did not want to be resuscitated." She left me for a minute to get me a cup of water and bring the phone. This nurse said, "Your husband must have been a wonderful person." A bit annoyed I replied, “How would you know? You didn't even know him!" She told me that after Gordon was brought in and they had him stabilized she tried to make him more comfortable. He told her, "Don't worry about it"(that was what he always told me.) I felt some comfort in what she said then and in the future would learn more from her about what his last minutes were like. Everything was just too much to take in.

I called Rick, blurting out “We are at the hospital and Gordon is gone." The nurse called my sis Beth because I knew I couldn't. I just couldn't wrap my mind around what just happened. I don't recall crying, I do remember pushing back his bangs and telling him I was sorry. I did not know this would be the night. I asked the nurse, “Do you think he can hear me?"

Now I was being escorted to a tiny dimly lit room with a love seat and a couple of chairs. The end table held a big thick bible. Family arrives. I am so lost in my own grief that I can't even imagine how horrible it is for them .The chaplain’s lips are moving but I have no idea what she is saying. I've shut down. I am numb and angry (if that is possible). It sounds contradictory. Why did AIDS have to take my best friend? Has God taken him home to rest?

CM

Gordon passed away at 5 am Wed. Nov 13 /96

By Church Mouse

God grant me the serenity
To except the things I cannot change.
Courage to change the things I can and
the wisdom to know the difference.

-Taken from A.A. and Al-non

October of 1996 we moved into a two bedroom wheel chair accessible apartment that had a back door to our patio and the parking lot. It was kinda useless because you couldn't unlock it from the outside to come in that way. The first week a parade of strangers pounded on the back door wanting to buy drugs! I was nervous about answering the door so I posted a sign that said “Ernie doesn't live here anymore!!!!”

The next week Gordon went for another blood transfusion. I hoped it would give him some energy. This time it didn't seem to make any difference. One evening I was sitting on the floor beside the couch were Gordon was lying. I was trying unsuccessfully to hold back the tears. "Life is so unfair Gordon, why is this happening?" He hated to see me cry. Brushing back the hair from my face and not knowing what to say, he told me "I love you more than you'll ever know!" Of course this only made me cry more.

He had set the pain pump (it looked similar to a fanny pack) on the coffee table. When I got up to get some Kleenex I walked between him and the coffee table taking the tube with me that ran from the pump to his arm, pulling on the needle in his arm. All he said was "stop hon". His patience was unbelievable. Discussing our illness my sweetheart told me "They will find a cure but probably not in our life time!" He didn't say it with anger but with honesty.

There began many days when he didn't get out of bed except to go to the bathroom across the hall. He was living on ensure, yogurt, milkshakes and sliced pear. I pushed the yogurt hoping it would clear up the thrush in his mouth, but it was so out of control he wouldn't let me see how bad it was. I now suspect that that wasn't the only thing he was hiding pain-wise and emotionally, I’m sure he could see through my attempts at treating these days as normal."If only I could do something to help him." I was constantly feeling helpless.

Gordon was scheduled for dental surgery on the 14th of November. When the pain management doctor came out to see him, he told her he wanted to put it off until February. At that time the next step was to move him to the nearby hospital or Freeport palliative care. The doctor commented that he seemed to be in good spirits today, but...I needed to find out what his wishes were. I felt this must be a bad dream! She shares with Gordon's sister Lisa and I, "I don't think he is going to make it to February." So February was stuck in my head. At least we would have Christmas together.

Again I feel uncomfortable keeping things from the one I love more than life itself. Leaving Lisa and the doctor to talk, I went back in to ask the dreaded question. "I need to know if you want to be resuscitated." There's no easy way to ask at this point. His reply was "No, I don't want to go through the pain again that AIDS caused me!" Personally the church mouse is just dying inside. I think he knew that his pain was about to end soon. He had told the doctor he was ready to go. Throughout his ordeal he dealt with everything in stride and the best that he could, excepting his fate with great courage.

The first week in November my father in-law called and he and Lori wanted to come down and tell their son that his grandmother had died. I told him with as much gentleness as possible I just could not wait for them. During this visit it was really hard for Lori to see her son losing the battle so she kept herself busy knitting. When she left the room Gordon told Dad and I both "I'm just too tired to fight." We understood. He didn't give up he just gave in.

CM

By Wayne (Chat Junkie)

There are times when I'm asked what message would I like to give to people about HIV. It stumps me. So many things run through my mind and I always forget a few. I have learned so much in the last couple years, so now I have a list of messages. I know by the time I finish this I will have forgotten some while trying to remember others. It could be just a normal aging thing or it could be part of the HIV and aging process I'm currently learning about.

So here are some of my tips based on what I have learned. If you have any questions or comments, please leave them below and someone will respond. All comments have to be monitored by the site manager so all questions can be answered anonymously. Any personal questions for me about living with HIV I will answer as honestly as I can.

1) Learn the risks and get educated on the current information. It's not the 80's anymore and it's not just a gay disease. Depending on your lifestyle and sexual behaviour, there is a risk factor that you could be taking. Contact your local AIDS Service Organization: (ACG) AIDS Committee of Guelph and Wellington County here in Guelph or ACCKWA (AIDS Committee of Cambridge, Kitchener & Waterloo and Area) in Kitchener/Waterloo. By contacting these ASOs you can learn what activities have the highest risk or the lowest risk, but remember, low risk is still a risk. ACG and ACCKWA can also give you information for Hep C treatment and access to support.

2) If you are re-entering the dating scene, it's a whole lot different now. You must not just take someone's word that they are negative. Ask them and find out. Insist on using a condom. A person who cares about you and about themselves will not have a problem using one.

3) Until you know someone is negative always use a condom, not just for protection from HIV but from STIs (sexually transmitted infections) as well. If you contract an STI first, your body is busy fighting it and HIV can find its way into your system a little easier and in most cases it will continue to fight the STI first.

4) If you know someone, such as a friend or family member, who may be putting themselves at risk, talk to them. Support them to go and get tested and go with them if you have to.

5) HIV is not a death sentence anymore but it is a LIFE sentence. You can live to be a very old person but it won't always be easy with the medications you have to take daily.

6) If you do test HIV positive you will have to tell every potential partner you have throughout the course of your life that you are positive. Failing to do this could lead to some very serious legal circumstances and you could go to jail. The law hasn't caught up to the current information and facts but there are people fighting to have them changed.

They say that every twelve seconds, someone in the world will become infected with HIV. That person may be in your neighbourhood and if they were, would you support them? It's believed and statistics are available that show 26% of men who have sex with men don't know they are infected or haven't been tested. They are also finding and compiling statistics on women who don't know their status.

HIV and treatment of HIV have changed so much over the years. There shouldn't be the stigma around it that there is. If people get the education and the truth, we might be able to end stigmatization. HIV has been around for 30 years now, lets not let it be around another 30 years. Let us care about each other and move to "Get To Zero in 2012".

"By listening to more than mere words, I can learn much more than mere words can teach".
- Taken from ONE Day At A Time In Al-anon

By Church Mouse

By that summer of '96 life had become hell for Gordon. He could barely walk because of the neuropathy. His grandfather commented, "Gordon, you walk like you have marbles under your feet!" He struggled through the pain each day, dreading morning just to have it start all over again. Once again, mother hen is working overtime, hovering over his every move in case he fell and trying to get him to eat.

God help you if you stared at him. I would glare at you until you were uncomfortable and looked away. Part of this reaction might stem from my past, as my father lost his right arm from the elbow down before I was born. By '84 he had long ago learned to expect strangers' reactions, but I hadn't.

Sept.1996, Labour Day. The park was having a fireworks display accross the street. I had to persuade Gordon to share them with me. Putting my arm around his waist I couldn't help but notice his weight loss. My 5'8" 165 lb man (who told me his nick name in school was Herc) had dropped to about 70 lbs. The doctors decided to to put a portacalf in Gordon's chest so they could administer medications easier. Gordon's veins had collapsed from so much use. The portacalf was the size of a loonie and it protruded about half an inch.You could not see it if he had a dress shirt on but he was very self conscious of it. Unfortunately, it became infected or blocked (I can't recall which). So then he was given a pain pump as well as the time released morphine. He could administer more pain medication as needed. Gordon had been admitted three times up to this point.

During one particular visit to the hospital, my father in-law, Joe, was up visiting Gordon. Lorie, Gordon's mom, and I were having a coffee in the lobby coffee shop.When I returned with our drinks, Lorie's words came out in a rush - but, softly, almost a whisper - "my son is dying and there's nothing I can do about it." What could I say? I didn't want to deny or admit what I was having a hard time accepting. So we sat in silence.

A new doctor for pain management was added to the team. She not only looked after Gordon but her concern extended to me as well. Myself, I didn't like what I saw in the mirror so I took down the one at the bottom of the stairs. I thought I was doing it for Gordon but maybe I was doing it for me? I was losing weight, most likely from stress.

I wished I could have talked to my parents about what we were going through. I had quite a few people I could talk to... but hearing your parents say " everything will be okay" might have soothed my fears for a bit. I could never have imagined my life turning out this way! Many of my acquaintances I met at workshops, conferences and support groups had passed on. Gordon told me I needed to have faith. I heard on T.V. that faith is saying, "I will cope with whatever happens with all the courage I have."

I can't understand the point in suffering whether it is physical or mental anguish.What do you say when the pain is so bad that your husband has tears in his eyes or is violently throwing up everything he puts in his stomach? I could tell he was embarrassed if anyone was visiting as he often didn't have any warning. My brother Alex was someone who came regardless. His presence was one of love and support. It must have been extremely difficult to see what we were going through, only to return to being a caregiver to mom. He would later comment to me in private after Gordon's funeral with a tear in his eye, "even though he was so ill, Gordon always made the effort to make you feel welcome in your home."

My husband's constant companion was Simon the cat and the heating pad. Simon had picked Gordon and now, sensing something was wrong, he hung out on the back of the couch watching over the patient.

The doctors finally agree: "there is nothing more we can do". My best friend told me, "I'm not afraid of dying, but of leaving those I love behind." As well as, Gordon said that if he went to the hospital one more time... we would be saying goodbye.

Early October after the regular doctor appointment, Gordon suggested we run away. He was tired of homecare and needed a break. So I became an accomplice, so to speak! Why didn't I think of this sooner!? I needed to go home for my paternal Grandmother's funeral. My honey had never met her and his energy was low. We rented a nice room at a cozy Inn. The owner was very compassionate. When I told him that because of the funeral we would not be able to check out on time, he said, "no problem - take your time". It was great to put my feet up, enjoy some Chinese food and not have to deal with phone calls and nurses. Not that I didn't appreciate them but once in a while we had one that had her own agenda and never listened to the patient.

Dear Gordon, "I know how important it is for you to be remembered or leave your mark". No matter what it was you wanted to succeed at. "I already know that anyone who knows the real Gordon thinks highly of you." You taught me patience, tolerance and to have faith.
CM

 By Church Mouse

July 1996. Vancouver was hosting the 11th International AIDS Conference...one week of business, networking and adventure. Stepping off the plane, I was mesmerized by the breath-taking beauty of Vancouver with its mountains lying before me.

By Wayne (Chat Junkie)

First of all, this information is intended for those who are able to take Vitamin D and other supplements. I have heard from people who say they can't or shouldn't take them. Checking with your doctor is always the best advice.

You may have heard Vitamin D being called the "sunshine" drug. Sunshine is something our body needs. At times, like during our long 7 month long winters, when there isn't much sunshine outdoors and shining through our windows, it is suggested that we take Vitamin D to make sure our body gets its daily requirement. It makes sense to me. I attribute the fact that I don't suffer from SADs during the winter to my consumption of the sunshine pill. SAD is Seasonal Affective Disorder, a psychiatric illness in which patients suffer from depression during the winter. Other names for the condition are winter depression, the winter blues or seasonal depression. Taking the supplement isn't the only suggestion, getting out for exercise is important as well but I will add to that, depending on the weather conditions.

The best source for "up to date" health information for Canadians living with HIV is none other than CATIE (Canadian AIDS Treatment Information Exchange). If you go to their site (listed below) you can find a list of all supplements, charts which list the amounts recommend you take, and what exactly they target. They also have the disclaimer that you consult your doctor before taking supplements.

When looking for supplements I read the labels, most state what they target, like bones & teeth, red blood cells or the immune system. I recently re-discovered Cod Liver Oil and found out it is good for the immune system. I am so glad it can be taken in a gel capsule form now. I just cringe when I remember how as children we had to take that teaspoon of smelly and foul tasting goop Mom held out in front of us. Yuck.

So here are the Supplements I am taking along with my HIV medications:

A.M.
20 minims Cod Liver Oil support Immune functioning
500 mgs Calcium for Bone Density Bone health
1000 IU Vitamin D3 to work with Calcium bone & teeth
250 mcg Vitamin B12 for Blood support
10,000 IU Vitamin A for eye and bone health
50 mg Zinc - general immune function

P.M. (before bed)
500 mgs Calcium for Bone Density Bone health
1000 IU Vitamin D to work with Calcium, bones&teeth

I have heard of a few others I might try since I haven't seen any problems with my health or my counts. I am open to suggestions if you have any.

Wikipedia.com: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Seasonal_Affective_Disorder
CATIE: www.catie.ca
http://www.catie.ca/en/practical-guides/21-vitamins-minerals-and-supplements
1 800 263 1638
All information from CATIE is free, comes mailed to you in a plain brown envelope for your privacy. ACG (AIDS Commitee of Guelph also has much of their literature in the office.)

Sadness is related to the opening of your heart. If you allow yourself to feel sad, especially if you can cry, you will find that your heart opens more and you can feel more love.

-Shakti Gawain, taken from the book COLOUR OF LIGHT

The weaker Gordon became the stronger I became. (Move over superman!) There was no stopping my determination to save him. Iwas obsessed with being the perfect friend, wife and confidant. Though our lives had been extremely difficult and complicated, my love for Gordon would never waiver (I guess if you have been falling my blog that goes without saying.)My soulmate told me that "fate brought us together." He taught me unconditional love, to have faith and how to be a true friend.

The weeks following our wedding, we tried to get to know Lynn (Gordon's daughter) better, but she didn't appear interested in us. Maybe she was angry because her father hadn't been in her life or maybe it was fear as she saw how he was struggling to stay afloat.We will never know. She chose to hang out with her new-found friends. Gordon was devasted to say the least. Things got out of hand and she broke the rules which we thought were fair for an 11 year old. The rules consisted of: she was to be in by 11pm, call if she was staying with a friend in the building, no boys in her room, and she was to be in the court yard of the building after dark. She set us up by jumping off our second story balcony and running over to the park. As we followed her, coming up and over the rise, we were confronted by half a dozen teens or more, some with baseball bats antagonizing my husband to come get her! And her, grinning away like the cat that swallowed the canary! Pulling him away, we called the police and they said they would drive by.  I talked to one of the police in the park and he told me there was nothing they could do.

Lynn couldn't abide by the rules so she cut her vacation short. The first time I booked her flight she took off and missed it. Then she came to the door wanting her stuff.Gordon held his ground and told her he was going to accomany her to the airport and at that time she would get her belongings back. Instead of two months, she only stayed three weeks.

From then on, Gordon seemed to be slipping and struggling, always trying to hide the truth. Feelings of no control arise when all of a sudden your mind belongs to guilt and sadness and your body to the doctors.Where do you turn when the doctors are saying, "I'm sorry, there's nothing more we can do"? The progression of the disease and the effects of the medications were stealing the one I love from me. Gordon's life became focused on surviving, growing and taking part in his own health decisions. Instead of sitting in the dark, he was walking in the light. I saw us as wild flowers, able to grow under the worst circumstances but, even heros need to rest.

CM

On Sunday it has been 15 yrs since I lost Gordon to this awful disease. So I would like to post a poem I wrote on the one yr .anniversary. 

Today I met an angel,

Just when I needed a friend.

He walked and talked with me,

He encouraged me that my efforts must not end.

Speaking of my experiences seem to be my purpose here,

Even if I happen to shed a silent tear.

Today I met an angel,

Funny thing is he looks a lot like my friend,

Maybe he's come to help my broken heart to mend.

Today I met an angel

And when he left me I knew ...

For me there was no greater love than the love that came from you.

Today I met an angel from up above,

He shared his life, his self, his love.

Gordon slipped away without sound,

Having faith that he was homeward bound.

May your pain be gone my beloved soul-mate,

I will meet you at heavens gate.

CM

I promise to be honest with you, to trust in you and to always have respect and understand you. I will help you in times of trouble and sickness from this day forward to join with you and share all that is to come...... June /95

The day was one of uncertianty as to whether it was going to rain. It seemed like a well kept secret until the last possible moment. Before I even opened my eyes I could hear the whispering of my two little nephews standing at the foot of the bed, waiting and watching to see if there might be any movement that suggested that I might be awake. I was filled with excitement! My big day!!! I had been waiting a long time to marry my soul-mate, my best friend.

The whispering continues. Chris, 3 and J, 5, are the other loves of my life. I love being an aunt. J was especially excited because his mom Beth had bought him red suspenders to wear to auntie's wedding .So cute, so grown up. Chris had to stay with Grandma, since Dad was taking pictures and his mom was in the wedding party.

Breakfast...and I am off running. Hair appointment, pick up the flowers, check how father in-law is making out decorating the hall, drop off the booteners and corsages. Stealing a kiss from the groom, I am on the fly again.

A quick call finds the groom in a bit of a panic; apparently there are about half a dozen bridal parties in the park where we are to be wed in a couple of hours. I assured him things would be fine! (That was a switch - it was usually me that needed reassurance!)

Finally the sun was shining. I believe the angels were smiling down upon us. I was to make my entrance over the wooden bridge. The best man, Gordon's brother, (Jake) was to wave us to proceed... But we couldn`t see him from the other side of the little lake for the small trees and brush. Plus, we were to far away to hear the music! I don`t know how many times the guests indure the same songs over and over.We hadn`t planned that very well!

Finally I was crossing the bridge arm in arm with my dad. I felt like Cinderella (later my friend told me I looked like I was from Gone with the Wind... it must have been my old fashioned hat. Ahead of us, our attendants stood on either side of the steps.White balloons were tied to the benches, white and burgandy ribbon was tied around the pillars of the gazebo.Hugging my father than my mom, I assended the steps arm in arm with Gordon.We stood nervously before our family, friends and onlookers in the park. There was my support buddy, looking like a proud mother. Her happiness for us just shone on her face.

With this ring, as a sign of my love and faithfulness, as this ring has no end niether has my love for you. What greater thing for two human souls to feel they are joined for life... to strengthen each other in all labour, to rest on each other in all sorrow, to minister to each other in all pain and to be with each other. - George Elliot

TIME

The hours spent with you my dear,

Are full of hope intead of fear.

You made me feel we would be together, forever happily.

This gift a symbol of your love for me, I will keep for all eternity.

My heart belongs to only you,

The way I felt I`m sure you knew.

CM

by B.J. Caldwell, Educator

An article in the Ottawa Citizen online edition on Nov. 8th highlights a pilot project aiming to reduce the number of people who are unkowingly infected with HIV by vastly increasing the numbers of HIV tests offered. The Seek and Treat project is being tried in select cities in the U.S. as well. During this project anyone who enters a hospital, lab, clinic, and perhaps their doctor's office will be likely offered an HIV test.

The effectiveness?:

British research has demonstrated a cost benefit when the prevalence of diagnosis is one or two out of every 1,000 tests.

"We expect our diagnostic yield be higher than that," Gustafson said.

Detecting and treating HIV, especially in its early stage, helps reduce medical costs and prevents further transmission. Highly active anti-retroviral therapy (HAART) suppresses the virus to undetectable levels. B.C. research has shown that 40 per cent of those who died of HIV-related causes between 1997 and 2005 had never received the life-saving medication. Citing U.S. Center for Disease Control research, Gustafson said lifetime HIV treatment costs nearly $400,000 per patient, but patients diagnosed early enough require less treatment, saving the health-care system up to $61,000 per patient.

About 14 per cent of people newly diagnosed have advanced disease at the time of diagnosis, which suggests they ignored symptoms or had no symptoms before they were tested.

The screening program will be evaluated for effectiveness, including cost benefits, and if it is deemed to be successful, it is expected it will become part of routine health care.

By Church Mouse

Your sister gives you an umbrella during a storm,then helps you see the rainbow after. - Taken from "The Joy of Sisters" by Karen Brown 

What does a person look like when they have advanced to AIDS? That progression for Gordon was Mycro Ava Complex (MAC for short.) One of those nasty opportunistic infections. My sister, Val, had driven Gordon and I to many appointments but this would be the scariest.

Gordon went into the hospital and when he returned to the car he informed us that he was to be admitted right away to the hospital to be tested for MAC. I dropped him off at the doors of the hospital and assured him I would get his meds and be back soon. Heading home I started sobbing hysterically. Val tried to reassure me to no avail that "they could be wrong." Hardly able to speak I blurted out, "you don't understand what this means! If the test is positive, Gordon has AIDS!"

Everything had been bottled up for weeks and was beginning to take it's toll.Gordon was home a day later. His brother Tim was visiting and having a beer when the call came from the doctor. Indeed, Gordon had MAC. I was grief stricken. How were we going to make it through this? Again, the doctor cautioned me that the love of my life might not pull through this. Tim stayed with us for a couple of weeks, which was good for both of them as they were very close.Good for me as well, as I needed to get out for coffee with my sisters.

Gordon's parents often came to play cards occasionally, as it was hard for Gordon to get up the strength to go very far. Really, we should never have moved into that apartment because of the stairs and the long hallway to the front of the building.

There was a period of time that the medications for MAC seemed to be working for Gordon and his doctor was asked to write a paper on his case and treatment.When Beth and I would go for coffee with Val, I had a hard time focusing on conversations. My emotions were so raw and close to the surface. It never failed that when Beth would drop me off at home, the flood gates burst open and every concern, fear and feelings of every unfairness tumbled out. I would confide how fearful and helpless I felt. Sis, I love you for taking the time and depriving yourself of sleep to comfort me. It must have been hard to watch us trying to stay afloat as well as dealing with your own fears. 

"A sister's greatest gift to you is her willingness to listen no matter how late the hour." - Karen Brown, The Joy of Sisters

CM

Read more by Church Mouse

This November 21st, the AIDS Committee of Guelph/Wellington County will be holding its 7th Annual HIV and AIDS Symposium. The cost is $30.00 for the one day conference (which includes a $5.00 donation to the United Way) and there will be a hot buffet lunch served. This is a great chance to keep up with current HIV and Hep C issues affecting people in our community

Topics this year:

HIV Update which will look at recent developments in the world of HIV prevention, treatment, and care.

Ageing and HIV Panel will examine the experience of 4 local people as they age with HIV

Hepatitis C Update will provide you with information surrounding the recent groundbreaking improvements in Hep C treatment from our local Hepatitis C Nurse.

Harm/Reduction in Our Community will provide a look at the various Harm Reduction services offered in our area and by our Harm Reduction and Hepatitis C outreach workers

Syndemics and Gay/Bi Men will take a look at new psychosocial research proving that a syndemic is occuring among gay, bisexual, and other men who have sex with men and what changes are required in gay men's HIV prevention in order to address it

To register for the conference, click here.

To download a copy of the poster (pdf) to help us advertise, click here.

By Chat Junkie / Wayne B

In this posting I'm going to talk about something I've been doing for a year now and haven't blogged about it yet. Last year about this time, I was just finishing up the Positive Prevention course and had done a couple blogs on here, when I was approached on two occasions to see if I would be interested in sitting on the ACG Board of Directors. I was informed that there are two seats on the board for community members or....us, PHAs (persons living with HIV/AIDS). Honestly, being asked took me by surprise but they told me to think about it. I did think, for about a day or so and then I said, "sure!"

I seen this opportunity as a way of representing other PHAs and having their concerns addressed in any issues the board would be discussing and making decisions on. Any decision requires a discussion, everyone at the table is encouraged to speak up and give imput and I like that.

One thing that led me to accepting was, "no experience necessary". They did set up with some training on Board Governance through the Guelph Volunteer Centre (GVC). When I attended the sessions, constantly things came up by Gayle and she would say, "you should hear what the ACG is doing". I was often called upon to talk about what it was we were doing but at that point, I had only been to one meeting. Our board had worked with the GVC to put together our Governance Manual which lays out all of our policies and procedures. Our mission Statement/Vision, which is, "We dream of a time and place where everyone is free to live healthy, vital lives," was used as a model for others.

At the beginning of October I went for some other training put on by the Ontario AIDS Network (OAN), as part of their Positive Leadership Development Institute program. It was called "Bored........Get on Board" and it looked at more at being on a board as a HIV positive person. I feel more comfortable in my position on the Board now and as proof of that, I am starting my second year on the Executive Commitee seat as the new Treasurer. Yaaaaaay!

Other training I have taken was a one day course on GIPA which stands for "Greater Involvement by People Living With HIV/AIDS." A popular slogan that is often mentioned with GIPA is "Its not about us without us." The objective of GIPA is to allow PHAs more involved in their care, their rights and services just to name a few, by attending workshops, conventions etc. and actively participating and contributing.

So........as of the end of last nights meeting (Oct. 26th) there are two seats available if anyone is interested in filling them. I can say that you don't have to wear a label saying that you are a PHA. People don't need to know that you are a PHA and that includes the public. I just tell people I am on the board, that's it, and all they need to know. It would be the same if I was on any other board.

If anyone is interested you can contact Tom Hammond or myself and we can submit your name to the Recruiting Committee. The more people we are able to put on the board allows for more voices and more people to do the things that will benefit us all. If sitting on the board isn't your thing you can still have your voice heard by knowing who the board members are and having them bring your concerns to the meetings. There is always at least one board member at every ACG function who is willing to hear from you.

Early April of 1995, Gordon was talking with his ex-wife about child support and our diagnosis. Out of the blue, she tells him his daughter Lynn, who he hasn't seen in ten years, wants to come for a visit. Her mother cautioned us that this 11 year old had been running away. We were so excited about her coming and with the plans for our wedding wrapping up, we did not heed the warning. Arrangements were made for her to arrive the week before our wedding.

In the meantime, I received a scholarship to attend a conference in Montreal. I wasn't sure if I would know anyone, until I got to Union Station in Toronto.There I recognized many of the women from the previous retreat. Gordon arrived two days into the week - duffel bag in one hand and carnations in the other. I was so thrilled that he was there. I really needed a hug!!! He shared with me that when he left Toronto he asked if there was a smoking section on the train and was met with an abrupt, "no". A little while later, after the tickets were collected and the attendants busy in the kitchenette, the same fellow approached Gordon. "You come with me," he said. My fiance said his heart started pounding, thinking that something had happened to me and someone had messaged the train.We never owned a cell phone, so he just counted on me being at the station as planned the night before.Gordon was relieved when the gentleman took him to the baggage car and lite up a cigarette himself.The complete opposite happened on the return trip.The conductor threatened to throw Gordon and another fellow off the train if he caught them smoking between the cars once more! Big Barbarian! How could he not see how ill my partner was...duh!

Gordon's visit was to be our honeymoon because we would soon be back to living cheque to cheque. Conferences are were a bit stressful for me, not knowing what I should be taking notes of. Some experts have very heavy accents or they talked faster than I could write.

Our evenings were wonderful as we explored old Montreal, enjoying our dinners on some quaint little patio close by. Returning from a busy day of note-taking and and networking, I found candles adorning the table, and wine chilling. Gordon had made us steak dinner in the kitchenette. Someone must have pulled some strings because normally conference participants usually have to share a double room. But there we were, enjoying ourselves with everything we needed. Our suite had a great stone balcony and an amazing view of the old buildings around us. I could never remember the name of the hotel, let alone pronounce it. I only got lost once.What a wonderful week.

Soon after, I was heading to the airport to pick up my future step daughter. My mother-in-law to-be had plenty of ideas of where we could take her.Waiting patiently in the baggage carousel, Gordon was visibly nervous and most likely had a smoke in his hand. He had not seen her since she was one. At 11, she was traveling across country from Alberta to spend two months with people she didn't even know. Scanning the baggage area, I spotted a tall, lanky, freckle-faced girl with strawberry blond hair, looking for her bags. I could tell by the shape of her eyes and nose -  there was no mistaking who her father was. So I give him a nudge to go talk to her.

Getting settled in the car, we decided to take her to Ontario Place for the festival of lights. My mother in-law always enjoyed the gift shops. We bought strawberries to eat while we waited for the show to start. It was very awkward because she seemed to prefer to hang out with me or sit off by herself. She wasn't feeling the best since she got off the flight, so we got her some Gravol.Gordon didn't want to push her to talk. This was going to be a tough go.

Talking to her as she unpacked her suitcases, I noticed she didn't have a lot of clothes. But her bag contained empty liquor bottles of all different shapes and sizes. Her prize possession, though, was her ghetto-blaster.The first week I took her shopping for a few over-sized tee-shirts. But what did I know about what girls her age would wear? She quickly got to know kids in our building that soon became her allies. So right away we established some rules.

CM

 By Church Mouse

They say that God never gives you more than you can handle! Wow! He must think I have shoulders of a linebacker!......Then again, he knows the strength of sisters! As we are introducing our new kitty to his new surroundings, I receive the news that my mom has been diagnosed with cancer. I was many times torn to where I should be - here, for my fiance, or at home, looking after her. I was soon assured by Beth that Dad and my brother were doing the best that they could with the help of home care. She told me I had enough on my plate to deal with.

When we went home for Christmas of '94, it snowed so fierce that we had to stay over night. Some of the family had left earlier. But Mom still had a house full. Even though the furnace was blasting out heat, Gordon couldn't seem to get warm. He was shivering and shaking; being an old farm house, it tended to have a few drafts. Gordon was taking 40 pills a day. Some were to prevent opportunistic infections and the rest to slow the progression of the virus. He was put on AZT - one of the first drugs they started patients on - and it was only available at the hospital pharmacy at the time.

It was a nice February afternoon when I started off for the ten minute walk to the hospital. I knew that I had had a barking cough for the past couple of days, so after retrieving the meds, I walked into the emergency room, sinking down into the chair accross from the intake person. I was hardly able to speak, because I was trying without success to keep my emotions in check.When the nurse saw how distressed I was, she ushered me over to a more private corner of the room. Inquiring as to why I was sobbing, I told her that I didn't think I could take another step. I told her that I was caregiver to my best friend, that I too was HIV positive and about my mom as well. They sent me for a chest xray. Sure enough I had bronchial phenomena.

I returned home to find a very concerned partner who wondered why a 10 minute walk turned out to be 5 hours. He told me he was about to start calling around to see if I had gone to visit family. Up until this point Gordon and I had never talked about what would happen if I got sick. I think It was just too scary of a possibility.

When I had shingles, he was still able to look after me. I waited a long time to start on the HIV meds. I knew that once I started I would be on them for the rest of my life. I had to reassure Gordon that I am apt to get the flu or a cold like anyone else it didn't mean that I wouldn't cope. On one of my regular doctors appointments, our doctor disclosed to me that my future husband could die in the next six months to a year if he acquired one of the AIDS defining illnesses. He told me Gordon's CD4 counts were a disaster. Three days until Christmas... how could he do this to me?

Plans for the wedding were still moving ahead. Neither of us was involved with any particular church. My future mother in law suggested the pastor at the Royal Canadian Legion who was a friend of Gordon's granddad.We set up an appointment. Not saying much and appearing a bit cautious, Gordon explained to the pastor that I was afraid he might have a problem with us being positive. "Not at all," he said. It was that fear of stigma raising its ugly head again. Sigh of relief.

Now on to getting the hall, a band, and the cake. I was honoured that Beth was making my dress.The groom to be was probably sick of hearing the wedding march and many other songs played over and over again, while I contemplated which ones I liked. The only request he had was he wanted a suit with tails the kind that remind me of a pianist.

Our rings weren't new, but that didn't matter. I was marrying my soul mate.Someone once asked me, "why would you get married if you are both HIV positive?" My response? "Why not!"

CM

NEVER DEPRIVE SOMEONE OF HOPE; IT MAY BE ALL THEYHAVE.

Taken from the little book of hope.H. Jackson Brown Jr.

Read more by Church Mouse.

I've learned that .................................angels really do exist on earth.

H. Jackson Brown Jr., the book On Hope

Even though I was immersed in everything from speaking in the schools, attending workshops, conferences, as well as trying to be there for my mom who was now diagnosed with cancer, at this time my support worker thought that I might benifit from having a support buddy, with whom I could share my feelings with (wise lady!) Lena turned out to be an awsome friend. We did coffee, shopping, we took part in a ceramics class. I didn't have a whole lot of patience for the tedious job of painting our projects. But I cherished the time my buddy and and I spent together. Lena went above and beyond and extended her support to Gordon as well. She was right in there, helping me with the plans for our up-coming wedding. Lena and her friend ran a women-focused progam on a local radio station.They invited me to share my story of living with HIV.

Checking the mirror at the bottom of the stairs before I left the house for the radio station, I heard a low wolf whistle - the kind you would hear at a construction sight. Blushing, I found Gordon with a wink and a smile. He wished me luck an assurred me he would tape the brodcast.

Off I went! Having planned to use a pseudonym, I wrote in big letters my new name on a piece of cardboard afraid that Lena would slip up.Things were going really well, Lena was asking me prepared questions. At this point I confessed to being afraid that I was being judged. During the break the host relayed a message from a viwer that wanted to asure me that nobody was judging me and that I was diong a great job. To this day I don't know whether it was my partner or not. He wouldn't confess. Coming to the end of the program the host looked directly at me a thanked me by my given name. I destintly remember my hand flying to my mouth. Now what!!! Too late - it was live! And that pause said it all. No back paddling here! We laughed it off after.

Returning home, Gordon had a big grin on his face and a welcome hug. He took a step back and shaking his head, he said I thought that might happen. I was so pleased that he was listening. He was always supportive of my efforts to educate.

The following summer I left the speaking behind and Gordon and I joined my sister Beth and her son, J at a cottage near Kincardine. J was only 4 and sis was six months pregnant.We had a great time entertaining J, strolling along the beach and taking the little train arround the park. It was a nice break from our lives living with the virus.

One evening, we were sitting around the camp fire. I was laying on a log, looking at the stars when J came over anxious to tell me something. I cautioned him not to spill my can of coke that was sitting on the ground. He took two steps back and fell directly into the campfire. I couldn't get up quick enough. I will nerver forget the look of shock on J 's face. It seemed to happen all in slow motion. Gordon grabbed him and rolled him around on the ground. Luckily J had just been changed in to pants and a sweater, which protected him. Also the wood that had just been added hadn't caught yet. That night I saw how well my honey handles crisis. You will see it again later in my stories.

All is not doom and gloom - hence, a few months later we were blessed with the arival of Christopher.

Angels on earth ......hell yes! CM

Read More by Church Mouse

By Church Mouse

While trying to manage Gordon’s symptoms of HIV, which were starting to show their nastiness, we were invited to celebrate his grandparent’s 60th anniversary. Gordon surprised me with a small corsage he had made for me, to make me feel part of the family. At this celebration my future father in-law noticed me twisting my ring around on my finger and trying to hold back the tears that were inevitable. He inquired to what was upsetting me? I shared with him how frustrated I was that Gordon refused to change his lifestyle to live longer. This man, fighting his own battle with cancer, told me with much concern, "none of us knows how long we have, so wouldn't it be better to do things that make us happy? Church Mouse, please take care of yourself, we love you!"

That summer, Gordon told me, "I know I am going to die from AIDS." What could I possibly say? How does a person respond to such a statement like that? I couldn't deny him his feelings. More tears.

With that in the back of his mind, we ventured down to our local pound. I had my heart set on a kitten but the cat beat me to the punch. As I am laughing and giggling at the antics of the kittens, Gordon drew my attention to the cat behind him who was reaching out and pawing at Gordon’s shoulder as he stood with his back to the cage. He was at the end of his allotted stay... we couldn't possible leave him. So off I went to fill out the paperwork. Chester came riding out on Gordon’s shoulder looking like royalty. He was a 5 month old black Burmese with green eyes that often looked yellow. He turned out to be a challenge all his own.

Life became a balancing act of doctor’s appointments, home care and hospital stays for Gordon. Night sweats, fevers, chills and headaches. We were now seeing the same doctor. Each one of Gordon’s appointments were so stressful for me. You could probably hear a huge sigh of relief throughout the whole office if there were no new concerns.

Arriving one day in the fall to get a chest x-ray done, Gordon was wearing his winter coat done up. While he was handing over the paperwork some smart ass teenager said, "It’s not that cold out, man!" Without hesitation, I whirled around in anger too confront him. "IT IS IF YOU ARE SICK!!!"

By the look on his face, he just wanted to slither right on out of there. I was livid and the nurse quickly ushered us into the back and into a change room. As I was helping Gordon with his garb, he commented, "wow mouse! Where did that come from? That certainly wasn't you!"

"He got what he deserved and I am plain tired," I said. But what I really meant was, I am tired of people staring because you have lost so much weight, staring because your cheeks are hollow and you walk with difficulty.

We were sent to London where the specialists were. I wait nervously as Gordon is examined. Looking around the room, AIDS seems to jump of every magazine, newsletter, and piece of literature. I feared that Gordon would be told the worst possible news.

After a seemingly long time, the doctor appears in front of me informing me that Gordon wanted me to join them. This can't be good. My fears escalate rapidly. I am numb, my heart racing. I look to my partner for reassurance. His face was void of any expression. The doctor started off by telling us that if Gordon had waited until he had full blown AIDS to come and see him, he would have told him, I sorry there isn't much I can do and life expectancy would only be three years. Gordon was given a prescription for AZT and some preventative medications. Finally I saw some relief on Gordon’s face. The doctor assured him he didn’t have AIDS and they would try to prevent it, and hopefully with the new meds they could expand that three years to six. The doctor sounded pretty confident. He told his patient, "you look pretty good for a man with a CD4 count of 70."

I was frozen in my chair. The whole damn conversation seemed like a made for TV. documentary of someone else’s life. I just wanted to walk out and never come back. Gordon handled the news better than I did. I felt like a glimmer of hope was all we were getting. We're not out of the woods yet, babe!

Dearest Gordon
I love you with every part of my soul,
You are the best thing that life has given me.
I admire your strength and courage,
I am afraid of losing you, afraid of the future.
I don't know how to cope,
It gets harder every day,
I hate to see you in such pain.
Please don't ever stop loving me.
mouse

Read more by Church Mouse.

By Church Mouse

"You must feel something to know what it is..."

-Ceanne DeRohan Taken from the book THE COLOUR OF LIGHT

What that was ...........love with no end. A few months after my ordeal with shingles I came home to find our home in near darkness, except for a few burning candles, a bottle of wine and a partner who looked like he had the secret to the Caramilk bar! After ridding myself of my coat and joining Gordon on the sofa, he timidly asked if I would marry him.............................Of course - yes! yes! There was no other answer. Our personalities fit together like two pieces of a puzzle needing each other for support, friendship and faith in what lay ahead of us.A promise ring was on my finger and the next week he suggested we elope. But I had my heart set on a wedding where family and friends were present.

Shortly after our engagement, I was invited to my first ever retreat for HIV positive women. Finally! The bus was loaded with 24 women from all over Ontario and a three week old baby girl.We were off to the country for a much needed break from our lives as caregivers, volunteers, lawyers, activists and mothers. Out in the middle of nowhere, amongst the fabulous reds, yellows, oranges and browns of autumn. A place so peaceful now full of life. Here I felt comfortable and welcome. At last a chance to be normal! I almost forgot what that felt like!

I proudly wore my new ring and Gordon's picture was always close to where I slept, which was in a sleeping bag on the floor of the living room. To an outsider it would have looked like a pajama party. I wondered how this was going to work with so many women sharing a chalet type cottage.Volunteer cooks coming and going and of course I can't forget the golden lab that seemed to know when someone needed his guidance. I remember the first night, heading back up to the cottage from the bonfire by myself - there he was, right in front of me like a becon of light treading a path he probably could do blind folded.

Evenings were spent getting to know each other while time seemed to stand still in our little corner of the world. I felt so relaxed knowing I could talk freely about my hopes, dreams, and fears with others who understood. There was lots to do, from canoeing, swimming, campfires and a sweat lodge. Little did I know that I was about to have my first experience with spirituality. The first day we were instructed to gather long branches that would be tied and erected like a tee-pee. We covered it with tarps and blankets. In front of the tent a fire had been burning all day. I thought, "how odd, having a fire going in the daytime." Not all women wanted to take part in the sweat lodge so they were off playing cards or watching a movie or just enjoying the sunset. I patiently waited as the rocks were taken from the pit and placed in another within the tent.After disrobbing to your comfort level, one by one we entered what could only be described as a SAUNA. The flap was closed and we were immersed into total darkness. I could feel my heart pounding, in anticipation.We were told to "feel free to leave at anytime". With that being said, one of the women poured some water on the rocks and shared something from her own life. One by one, fears, concerns, feelings, disapointments and prayers were heard. I felt honoured to be witness to such an out pouring of emotions. I was sweating from every inch of my being. I could hardly breath! When it was my turn to speak......... all I could master was the sernity prayer. The tears flowed as I thought how complicated my life had become.What would the future hold for us? All of us! Here was proof that there were indeed other women infected by this virus. Some had only know a few years but others were more recently diagnosied. I cried for those whose lives had become unmanageable, my heart ached for those who had gone before us, more tears. It was so dark that I couldn't see the woman beside me, but when she squeezed my hand I knew she understood my pain. Everytime someone spoke, more water was dashed upon the rocks. It was way too hot I. had to leave. Even though I was relutant to go, I felt like the air had been sucked out of my body like a deflated balloon. I left the hissing rocks and my inhibitions behind. My new friend Karen asked me, "how was it, mouse?" "Overwhelming," I replied.

During the time in the sweat lodge I was able to seperate myself from my real life problems back home. I really felt that some part of me was healed that night; maybe for just a short time.This incredible experience, even though it was hard to explain, will stay with me forever. I appreciated our hostess for opening her heart and her home. Today it is hard for me to look at those pictures from that weekend in '92. For some of those women fought and lost a hard battle.God bless, my friends.

CM

Exciting news! We have embarked on another HIV testing campaign, encouraging people to take charge of their health and get tested for HIV.

Why? Nearly 30% of people living with HIV in Ontario don't know that they have the virus. When people get tested, they can access treatment and support, and learn how to protect their partners.

Look out for our testing campaign advertisements across Guelph! We have a bus shelter ad located on the corner of Quebec Street and Wyndham Street (at St.George's Square.) Our digital ad (below) is playing in bars, restaurants and clinics across town. You will also find posters and postcards in social service agencies, stores and offices in Guelph and Wellington County.

We encourage you to download and share these resources yourself:
postcard.pdf
poster.pdf

More information about the campaign can be found here.

We have rapid testing here at the AIDS Committee of Guelph and Wellington County, at 89 Dawson Road, Unit 115. Testing happens every Wednesday from 1:30 - 3:30. No appointment is required. Rapid testing means that you can find out if you are HIV negative right away, so there is no waiting. And it is anonymous, which means that your name and identity is not requested, recorded or reported.

By Church Mouse

Who would have thought that a timid and self conscious mouse like me would get up and tell my story of how HIV/AIDS has affected my life? I grew up in rural Ontario, where we planted corn, had a huge vegetable garden and pigs to feed. I think I had a pretty normal childhood. I attended the local high school when AIDS hadn't even been heard of yet! So....it sort of makes sense that my first exposure as a HIV positive speaker would be to a grade nine class in Paris, Ontario. My hands shook, my knees wobbled and my brain was mush. My thoughts were .....OMG what have I got myself into?!

Many eyes were focused on me, anticipating my disclosure and putting a face to this disease that they were just hearing about. In those early days I too was struggling to understand it myself. However, I certianly could tell them how fearful I was, and that my biggest support came from my partner, Gordon, who was also positive himself.

You could almost hear a pin drop when Linda, our Support Worker, introduced me. The students seemed leary about what they should ask, so Linda decided to start the dialog by asking me some questions. I was grateful for her help. You see, for me, imaging the audience in their underwear wouldn't even come close to steadying my nerves! (Over the years, however, I have learned that the audience wants you to succeed; they are not as critical as you think they will be. I have also learned that pauses have affect.)

It is February and I am anticipating another opportunity to share with another class on Monday. It is the weekend and suddenly I have what I thought was sinus headache, followed by intense pain. Seventy-two hours later I am dignosed with Shingles.'' Shingles!!! I'm not over 70 how can this be? Who knew!!!"  I guess my body was trying to tell me something.....I couldn't handle any more stress! Yep! I got the message... or did I? Five weeks of unbelievable pain and itching, both my eyes swelled, my forehead was infected from my scratching. I showered at least 6 times a day because the heat gave me some tempory relief. I was put on an antibotic and demerol.Whoo hoo! I would be talking to someone and doze off in the middle of a conversation, waking minutes later to continue my sentence. I walked off the back porch like I was walking on water, nevermind the three steps that were there. Gordon took good care of me. And the students sent best wishes. Most people you hear about who have shingles usually get it around their mid-section, but I just had to be different! The virus followd the nerve endings in my forhead, around eyes and up into my scalp. I was told by a Doctor just this year. that I was lucky that I didn't lose my vision.

Surprisingly, the scars don't bother me because I know that Gordon and my friends and family love me unconditonally.

To me they are signs of the battle I am still fighting. As for public speaking again, I'm not sure right now... maybe somewhere down the road.As for this platform, I like it alot.

By Church Mouse

Who would have thought that a timid and self conscious mouse like me would get up and tell my story of how HIV/AIDS has affected my life? I grew up in rural Ontario, where we planted corn, had a huge vegetable garden and pigs to feed. I think I had a pretty normal childhood. I attended the local high school when AIDS hadn't even been heard of yet! So....it sort of makes sense that my first exposure as a HIV positive speaker would be to a grade nine class in Paris, Ontario. My hands shook, my knees wobbled and my brain was mush. My thoughts were .....OMG what have I got myself into?!

Many eyes were focused on me, anticipating my disclosure and putting a face to this disease that they were just hearing about. In those early days I too was struggling to understand it myself. However, I certianly could tell them how fearful I was, and that my biggest support came from my partner, Gordon, who was also positive himself.

You could almost hear a pin drop when Linda, our Support Worker, introduced me. The students seemed leary about what they should ask, so Linda decided to start the dialog by asking me some questions. I was grateful for her help. You see, for me, imaging the audience in their underwear wouldn't even come close to steadying my nerves! (Over the years, however, I have learned that the audience wants you to succeed; they are not as critical as you think they will be. I have also learned that pauses have affect.)

It is February and I am anticipating another opportunity to share with another class on Monday. It is the weekend and suddenly I have what I thought was sinus headache, followed by intense pain. Seventy-two hours later I am dignosed with Shingles.'' Shingles!!! I'm not over 70 how can this be? Who knew!!!"  I guess my body was trying to tell me something.....I couldn't handle any more stress! Yep! I got the message... or did I? Five weeks of unbelievable pain and itching, both my eyes swelled, my forehead was infected from my scratching. I showered at least 6 times a day because the heat gave me some tempory relief. I was put on an antibotic and demerol.Whoo hoo! I would be talking to someone and doze off in the middle of a conversation, waking minutes later to continue my sentence. I walked off the back porch like I was walking on water, nevermind the three steps that were there. Gordon took good care of me. And the students sent best wishes. Most people you hear about who have shingles usually get it around their mid-section, but I just had to be different! The virus followd the nerve endings in my forhead, around eyes and up into my scalp. I was told by a Doctor just this year. that I was lucky that I didn't lose my vision.

Surprisingly, the scars don't bother me because I know that Gordon and my friends and family love me unconditonally.

To me they are signs of the battle I am still fighting. As for public speaking again, I'm not sure right now... maybe somewhere down the road.As for this platform, I like it alot.

By Megan, Positive Prevention Coordinator

We are seeking quotations to be used as a slideshow during a musical presentation for our annual vigil on World AIDS Day. If you would like to contribute something, please feel free to answer one, (or more, or all) of these questions. You can either write them out and hand them to me (Megan) directly, or email them to me at positiveprevention@aidsguelph.org, or leave a comment on the blog.  Your name will not appear during the slideshow.

 Here are the questions!

1. How did you feel when you were first diagnosed with HIV? How do you feel about it today?

2. How do you feel when you think about the people you know who have died from HIV/AIDS?

4. What do you want people to know about HIV / Living with HIV?

Thanks!!!

By Church Mouse

How does someone cope with the dreaded news of being HIV positive and keep moving forward?

It is 1991, AIDS is thought of as something that only gay men were getting, and certianly not women and children. I don't remember if any of the celeberties talked openly about AIDS or maybe that came much later. Rock Hudson was the first I remember hearing about.When the movie Philadephia came out, I couldn't bring myself to watch it I was living with my own fears. In the weeks and months that followed our diagnosis I sought out support. I called our local AIDS committee and the gentlman on the other end of the line listened patiently while I spilled my story of diagnosis and the doctor's callous response. This gentleman, knowing that he probably wasn't going to get this timid mouse through the agency door for support, offered to meet me at a local coffee shop. This started me on the road to meeting other PHA's and on to telling my story publicly.

I am still working at this time in a factory making styrofoam plates for resturants.The stress of keeping part of my life secret was taking it's toll and I came down with phemonia. The flu is just the flu, unless you are positive. Then it can become a "what if''. As for work, I made the biggest mistake I could have. Because of fear of rejection, not knowing who I could confide in, and fear of seriously injurying myself, I quit my job instead of taking long term leave, therefore losing my benifits.

Over in our personal life, it took me along time to persude Gordon to get tested. I think that he felt that once the words were spoken it would become a reality. Since niether of us had any serious infections at this point, we decided to wait, but ultimately he did get tested. We waited an agonizing five weeks for his results to come back.

Living a double life was becoming impossible. It was time to share with family and friends. Deep breath......that's right Church Mouse just blurt it out!Outstanding!!!! Now you got the nieces all crying.Ooopppsss! My oldest neice asked, "how long I have you known?" "A year I say". "Oh mouse, you should have know that we are here for you and always will be no matter what."

Mother was not so easy. I took backup - my support worker from my agency - under the guise that we were just up for a visit. Mother wanted to talk about her garden, wanted to know where my friend was from, talked about the weather, who had a baby recently, etc., etc., etc. I was procrastinating. I didn't want her to blame my partner and I know I put her in an awkward position by bringing a stranger into our home with bad news. Each time my mother turned away to do something in the kitchen, Linda kept motioning me to go ahead....and her motions were getting more exaggerated each time. I would have started laughing if I hadn't commited myself to doing this. After I explained my situation, mother's body language told us that we needed to give her time for it to sink in. Since she wasn't making eye contact and she told my dad that I had a blood disorder.We made our exit.

Our families stood by us. Their support was amazing. I know how hard it was not to want someone to blame.When it came to friends, Gordon's experiences were not as good.One of his good friends walked right out of his life. Another time, Gordon was working on a job landscaping and when he told the boss he had an appointment in London, the fellow suggested in a very scarcastic manner and in front of everyone, "he must have AIDS!" (That's were the HIV specialists were.) Go figure! How did he know?

Mostly we handled HIV together the two of us like soliders pressing on into battle.Winston Churchhill once said, "knowledge is the key to winning a war," so we armed ourselves with knowledge and support and kept on moving.

By Church Mouse

How does someone cope with the dreaded news of being HIV positive and keep moving forward?

It is 1991, AIDS is thought of as something that only gay men were getting, and certianly not women and children. I don't remember if any of the celeberties talked openly about AIDS or maybe that came much later. Rock Hudson was the first I remember hearing about.When the movie Philadephia came out, I couldn't bring myself to watch it I was living with my own fears. In the weeks and months that followed our diagnosis I sought out support. I called our local AIDS committee and the gentlman on the other end of the line listened patiently while I spilled my story of diagnosis and the doctor's callous response. This gentleman, knowing that he probably wasn't going to get this timid mouse through the agency door for support, offered to meet me at a local coffee shop. This started me on the road to meeting other PHA's and on to telling my story publicly.

I am still working at this time in a factory making styrofoam plates for resturants.The stress of keeping part of my life secret was taking it's toll and I came down with phemonia. The flu is just the flu, unless you are positive. Then it can become a "what if''. As for work, I made the biggest mistake I could have. Because of fear of rejection, not knowing who I could confide in, and fear of seriously injurying myself, I quit my job instead of taking long term leave, therefore losing my benifits.

Over in our personal life, it took me along time to persude Gordon to get tested. I think that he felt that once the words were spoken it would become a reality. Since niether of us had any serious infections at this point, we decided to wait, but ultimately he did get tested. We waited an agonizing five weeks for his results to come back.

Living a double life was becoming impossible. It was time to share with family and friends. Deep breath......that's right Church Mouse just blurt it out!Outstanding!!!! Now you got the nieces all crying.Ooopppsss! My oldest neice asked, "how long I have you known?" "A year I say". "Oh mouse, you should have know that we are here for you and always will be no matter what."

Mother was not so easy. I took backup - my support worker from my agency - under the guise that we were just up for a visit. Mother wanted to talk about her garden, wanted to know where my friend was from, talked about the weather, who had a baby recently, etc., etc., etc. I was procrastinating. I didn't want her to blame my partner and I know I put her in an awkward position by bringing a stranger into our home with bad news. Each time my mother turned away to do something in the kitchen, Linda kept motioning me to go ahead....and her motions were getting more exaggerated each time. I would have started laughing if I hadn't commited myself to doing this. After I explained my situation, mother's body language told us that we needed to give her time for it to sink in. Since she wasn't making eye contact and she told my dad that I had a blood disorder.We made our exit.

Our families stood by us. Their support was amazing. I know how hard it was not to want someone to blame.When it came to friends, Gordon's experiences were not as good.One of his good friends walked right out of his life. Another time, Gordon was working on a job landscaping and when he told the boss he had an appointment in London, the fellow suggested in a very scarcastic manner and in front of everyone, "he must have AIDS!" (That's were the HIV specialists were.) Go figure! How did he know?

Mostly we handled HIV together the two of us like soliders pressing on into battle.Winston Churchhill once said, "knowledge is the key to winning a war," so we armed ourselves with knowledge and support and kept on moving.

Xtra! has an  interview with Michael Burtch about walking 'the tightrope between advocacy and privacy'. He discusses his HIV status and how the criminalization of non-disclosure has affected him. Be sure and check it out!

The Education program at the AIDS Committee of Guelph offers online outreach to gay, bi, and other men who have sex with men in our region. We screen, select, and train appropriate volunteers to provide this service. Training is upcoming this fall (October) and ACG is looking for volunteers? Ideally,  volunteers would be self-identified gay/bi/queer/trans men, but we have had some excellent queer women who have excelled at online outreach to gay/bi men in the past, so we encourage queer women to apply as well.

Once trainining is complete, we ask that volunteers make a 1.5-3hr committment a week (1 shift is 1.5 hours and can be completed anywhere you have reliable access to the internet).

For more information, please send an email to: education@aidsguelph.org

Unlicensed HIV Home Test Kit: Accu-HIV 1 & 2 Saliva Test Advisory
2011-123
September 12, 2011
For immediate release

The issue:

Following information that a Toronto Company, ACCU-METRICS, has been advertising HIV home test kits for sale via their website, Health Canada would like to remind Canadians that there are currently no HIV test kits that have been authorized for home use in Canada.

The Accu-HIV 1 & 2 Saliva Test, or any other HIV home test kits, have not been evaluated by Health Canada for safety and effectiveness. Inaccurate test results from unlicensed HIV test kits may provide Canadians with false test results, such as a failure to indicate HIV in an infected individual, or indicate HIV when none is present.

Who is affected:
Canadians who have purchased HIV home test kits.

What consumers should do:
Consult your healthcare practitioner if you have used any HIV home test kits and/or are concerned about your health. Report any complaints potentially related to HIV home test kits to Health Canada (see below). What Health Canada is doing:
ACCU-METRICS has voluntarily complied with Health Canada’s instructions that this product will not be sold to Canadians via their website. It is illegal to advertise or sell unlicensed medical devices in Canada. In addition, Health Canada officials have also alerted our international partners about Accu-HIV 1 & 2 Saliva Test available via the Internet.

For more information on home test kits, please visit Health Canada’s It’s Your Health articles on Medical Test Kits for Home Use and Buying Medical Devices over the Internet. For more information on HIV and how you can protect yourself, Health Canada has also published an It’s Your Health article on HIV/AIDS. To confirm whether a device is licensed in Canada, please refer to the Medical Devices Active Licence Listing.

Health Canada will continue to monitor the situation and will take appropriate action and inform Canadians, if necessary.

Products affected:
Accu-HIV 1 & 2 Saliva Test

For more information:

Consumers and health professionals wanting more information about this advisory from Health Canada can contact the Public Enquiries Line at 613-957-2991, or toll free at 1-866-225-0709.
Media enquiries related to this Advisory should be directed to Health Canada Media Relations at 613-957-2983.
How to report problems with consumer products:
Complaints involving home HIV test kits or any other medical devices can be reported to the Health Products and Food Branch Inspectorate by calling the toll-free hotline at 1-800-267-9675, or by writing to:
Health Products and Food Branch Inspectorate
Health Canada
Address Locator: 2003D
Ottawa, Ontario K1A 0K9

Related Health Canada Web content:
Warning (June 22, 2009): Health Canada is Warning Canadians Not to Use Clean Testing HIV Home Test Kit, or Any Home HIV Test Kit

By Chat Junkie

I have never wanted to have any of my photos put to paper or enlarged....yet, but I think it is time for one of them. It feels kind of weird to be doing it but I think I am going to start a portfolio, oh yeah! I wanted to create something with my hobby that I could share with others and hope that some would actually like it. I had tried to do things like this years ago with a good film camera but I failed about 95% of the time. However, I was very good at taking pictures of people, kids in the family and events. In that catagory, I'd have to say I succeeded 99% of the time, once I got the hang of it.

The picture included with this blog post is the one I'm talking about. It's almost a fluke that I even took it in the first place. Given the conditions in which it was taken, I had no idea how it would look up on the computer. They all look somewhat great when I see them in the back of my camera. I took 5 shots from different angles but settled on sharing this one on my flickr.com site.

I posted it online August 15th and on the 17th I got the compliment of a lifetime. I was contacted by a local artist who wanted permission to use it for a "threadpainting" piece of artwork based on the photo. She did say that it may not look exactly like the actual photo but it will be the inspiration. She gave me the links to her website and her flickr page so I had to check her out. I was very impressed and now I am really excited to see what she does with this project.

If she is able to complete it in time it will appear in an art show in October. She emailed me again to get more information on the location where it was taken and what I did to get the shot. This information will be attached somehow with the finished product on that night and credit will be given, I'm thinking WOW.

I am still learning as I go along. This new camera has so many features and this was me just playing around and amazed by what I captured. The picture was taken using a circular polarizer I bought that is suppose to improve contrast and color saturation in blue skies and white clouds. These filters also help with glare on water. I had thought of taking it off before taking this picture but when I seen what it looked like I thought, hmmm, I clicked off a few and hoped for the best. I think its time to take the advice of some family and friends and get serious with this thing I do.

Nobody wants his or her HIV treatment to stop working. And it's easy for someone to tell you, "Just take all your meds, and you'll be fine." But the challenge of taking antiretroviral therapy every single day, and the obstacles that life throws in your way, can make adherence a lot tougher in real life than it might seem on paper.

This is why The Body has created a Resource Centre on Keeping Up With Your HIV Meds: to help you get the information and advice you need to ensure that your dance with HIV treatment is as flawless as possible. You'll find invaluable advice from HIV experts and people living with HIV, first-person accounts of people dealing with the everyday struggle to stay on top of their meds and answers to the most commonly asked questions about adherence.

Adherence Centre @ The Body.com

 HIV/AIDS Issues and the Ontario Provincial Election
By John Charles, qlinks.ca editor

The Ontario Provincial Election is on October 6th and one of the many issues to remember when choosing the candidate you vote for is how they stand on HIV/AIDS issues. By studying the candidates’ positions or by contacting and asking them directly, you can learn more about how they will help or hinder the ongoing response to such critical issues as...

· Funding
Will the candidate’s party promise to maintain the current financial commitment for the continued operation of community based HIV/AIDS programs and HIV clinics in Ontario?
· The Ontario Disability Support Program
Will the wholly inadequate monthly ODSP benefit payments be increased to levels more in sync with the poverty line and will there be improved access to the special diet program for people living with HIV/AIDS?
· Harm Reduction
Will there be a commitment to evidence based research when it comes to drug use? Harm reduction strategies reduce HIV transmission, save money and are more effective than criminal penalties.
· Housing
Will there be increases in the number of affordable housing units for people living with HIV/AIDS?
· Family Leave
Will the Family Medical Leave regulations be changed to allow people who care for HIV+ family members to take more unpaid leave time when necessary?

Continue to visit this space as we will provide additional information in the run up to the election. Be sure to also visit The Ontario AIDS Network’s site for more insight on this issue.

By Megan

In the Positive Prevention workshops, the sessions on disclosure and on stigma always carry a lot of weight. In each workshop, there are always new experiences, concerns, and strategies that are shared. And, there are always a lot of common sources of stress and stigma too.  Today I read, "The Big Reveal: Disclosing your HIV Status" on PositiveLite.com. It's an excellent blog post, and it brings up a lot of issues, like:

• Is disclosing easier when you are older?
• Is disclosing a political act... and a responsibility? Does staying silent mean perpetuating stigma?
• What kind of questions do you ask yourself before disclosing?
• Is it easier to disclose to sexual partners, or to close friends?
• How do you negotiate safer sex when both partners are HIV positive?
• Is there more stigma among younger gay men than older gay men?

I would love to hear your feedback on these questions!

By Wayne Bristow

Wow, it’s almost Labour Day. Where has the summer gone? I wish I could say that with some sort of loss, but with the heat I had to endure, I am so glad to see it go. "Bring on the Fall", my favourite time of year.

I have been very busy, blogging indoors on the hotter days, on the better days, the days I felt brave enough to try it outdoors, I set off to take some pictures. I even managed to get out with a new friend from China that I met on one of my hikes. Recently I met up with him and one of my other friends for an afternoon out at the Arboretum, so the photography has taken on another dimension; it’s becoming a social experience for me. Last month I finally attended a Pub Night with the Guelph Photographers Club that I joined on flickr.com. I got to meet some of the people I have on my friends list on the site.

The subject matter of my blogging on PositiveLite.com has been all over the map so to speak. I have been seeing things and hearing things that are just promoting stigma instead of defeating it. In particular, there were two subjects that recently struck a nerve with me.

One is the movie, "The Rise Of The Planet Of The Apes". If you haven't seen it, I don't want to spoil it for you. I actually loved the movie. It was believable and very well done. But when we thought the movie was over, another small segment played, that frankly stunned me. During this final part of the movie, there was a mysterious virus that was going to wipe out mankind. As I was watching this story I noticed how it was linked to the story of AIDS, including several misconceptions. You can read my full review of the movie and observations here.

The other topic that struck me was the recent controversy around Bert and Ernie’s sexual orientation and relationship. I had to weigh in on that right away. As a gay person who respects my privacy, I prefer to be the person to tell others of my sexual preference when I'm ready to. In the case of Bert and Ernie, I feel they are being presumed to be gay and there is this movement to get Sesame Street producers to "make them gay" characters and have them get married. Gay people are trying to get the message out that they were "born this way," not made this way, so why turn Bert and Ernie gay? To quote myself from my PositiveLite.com story: "Do we really need symbols or celebrities to endorse our lifestyle for it to be accepted? Is love not enough?"

Other subjects I've been blogging about are my weight gain, getting the belly, and I wrote about ACG’s new relationship with the Royal City Roller Girls. I wrote another piece asking, if you were to make up the soundtrack to your life, who would be on it? Mine would have a lot of Roy Orbison on it. My latest blog though, has got to be one of the most controversial one I will every write. I did it with a little sense of humour… it deals with masturbation as a safe sex option.

I am so glad Megan DePutter suggested I follow PositiveLite.com while learning to blog. I emailed the editor there to say I liked his blogs and would like to do it myself someday, that I was doing it for the ACG. Little did I know how that connection would change my life for the better. Just recently, I was asked to write for another site based in California, a site called, "Until there’s a Cure". I wish I had time to do it but I don't want to take on too much. I love what I'm doing, I have established a following, I guess, and most of all I want to be able to blog here too.

I would like to put out a call to anyone interested in blogging, I have some connections, hint, hint! You can contact me through Megan and we can both work with you to get you started. I wasn't great at it when I started, I found out there are people who will edit it before it goes live, they make me look really good and I'm told that it isn't needed as much now though.

By Church Mouse

In my previous blog, I apparently put the cart before the horse so to speak. In order to have my stories flow, I will share with you how I met my soul mate/best friend, Gordon. It was Halloween of 1990. A local pickup hockey team was hosting their annual dance before the season started. I hesitated about going because I had just come out of a bad relationship,but then again I didn't want to sit home and watch the paint dry. Not having put much thought into what I was going to wear as a costume, I quickly scoured the place looking for and borrowing accessories such as cameras and sunglasses, suntan lotion and a map.The final outcome was a tacky tourist ensemble, which included a highly unusual sunburn considering the fact that it was the end of October. This I achieved with a excessive amount of makeup.A busy, multi-coloured shirt and a mismatched pair of shorts completed my look. I was hardly a damsel in distress, except maybe for some fashion advice! And off we went.

Part way through the night, as I am chatting with friends and munching on snacks, out of the darkness emerges... my knight in shining armour? Wait a minute.....Oh, great  - he is wearing big red shoes a fuzzy red wig and .......of course the trade mark red nose! Awwwwww. Good grief, and he's coming my way! Five minutes ago I was dodging a guy in army fatigues who wreaked like a brewery. I've nowhere to go we have made eye contact. First words out of his mouth: "Don't I know you from somewhere? I 'm sure we've met!" Being a bit annoyed at his unoriginal line and not wanting to get involved or hurt once again, I sort of gave him the brush off by saying, ''well that was original!" Gordon must have seen something beyond my flamboyant costume and the sarcastic attitude because his persistence prevailed and we briefly got to know one another.

Before we knew, it my ride was leaving with or without me. Since I was sitting close to the wall in a booth, Gordon wouldn't let me out until he got my number.That wasn't a problem because most of the players knew my sis and her husband as he was also a team member. Unknown to us, that night something wonderful was set in motion and the fortress walls that my knight had built around himself slowly started to crumble and over time turned to sand, sliding to the ground to reveal a man of great strength and character. His love, support courage and faith has kept me afloat and pushes me to meet the challenges of being left behind.

Miss you always, Gordon.

By Church Mouse

In my previous blog, I apparently put the cart before the horse so to speak. In order to have my stories flow, I will share with you how I met my soul mate/best friend, Gordon. It was Halloween of 1990. A local pickup hockey team was hosting their annual dance before the season started. I hesitated about going because I had just come out of a bad relationship,but then again I didn't want to sit home and watch the paint dry. Not having put much thought into what I was going to wear as a costume, I quickly scoured the place looking for and borrowing accessories such as cameras and sunglasses, suntan lotion and a map.The final outcome was a tacky tourist ensemble, which included a highly unusual sunburn considering the fact that it was the end of October. This I achieved with a excessive amount of makeup.A busy, multi-coloured shirt and a mismatched pair of shorts completed my look. I was hardly a damsel in distress, except maybe for some fashion advice! And off we went.

Part way through the night, as I am chatting with friends and munching on snacks, out of the darkness emerges... my knight in shining armour? Wait a minute.....Oh, great  - he is wearing big red shoes a fuzzy red wig and .......of course the trade mark red nose! Awwwwww. Good grief, and he's coming my way! Five minutes ago I was dodging a guy in army fatigues who wreaked like a brewery. I've nowhere to go we have made eye contact. First words out of his mouth: "Don't I know you from somewhere? I 'm sure we've met!" Being a bit annoyed at his unoriginal line and not wanting to get involved or hurt once again, I sort of gave him the brush off by saying, ''well that was original!" Gordon must have seen something beyond my flamboyant costume and the sarcastic attitude because his persistence prevailed and we briefly got to know one another.

Before we knew, it my ride was leaving with or without me. Since I was sitting close to the wall in a booth, Gordon wouldn't let me out until he got my number.That wasn't a problem because most of the players knew my sis and her husband as he was also a team member. Unknown to us, that night something wonderful was set in motion and the fortress walls that my knight had built around himself slowly started to crumble and over time turned to sand, sliding to the ground to reveal a man of great strength and character. His love, support courage and faith has kept me afloat and pushes me to meet the challenges of being left behind.

Miss you always, Gordon.

by B.J. Caldwell, Educator

CATIE's most recent treatment update (pdf) includes the following:

1. Helping CD4 cells block HIV by altering a patients genes
2. Comparing efavirenz to raltegravir
3. Long term HAART and Bone Health
4. Making sense of changes on bone density
5. Alberta study finds higher death rates among HIV+ Aboriginal HAART users

The section on the genetic altering of  a person's own CD4 cells to become (more) resistant to HIV is fascinating and I have blogged about this recently (and there will be another post or two on the topic, soon)

Bone health and the role of HIV drugs has long been a point of interest to many HIV+ people and phsyicians/researchers. New studies highlight some of these changes and make it obvious that we still have a lot to learn.

The Alberta study showing a statistically significant difference in death rates and highlights another glaring hole in our understanding of the factors that play a role in this. It also highlights the issues faced by HIV+ people who also use injection drugs and gives some theories as to why this problem is occurring.

 WE NEED YOUR HELP!!!!! (See below for information on how to get involved)

Update on the Ontario Prosecutorial Guidelines Campaign

& Community Consultations

 Ontario Working Group on Criminal Law & HIV Exposure, June 2011.

 The Campaign Background

In the fall of 2010 the Ontario Working Group on Criminal Law & HIV Exposure (the Working Group) publicly launched the Campaign for Ontario Guidelines for Criminal Prosecutions of HIV Non-disclosure.  We called on Ontario’s Attorney General to immediately undertake a process to develop guidelines for Crown counsel in cases involving allegations of non-disclosure of HIV status.  Guidelines are needed to ensure that:

•  HIV-related criminal complaints are handled in a fair and non-discriminatory manner
• decisions to investigate and prosecute such cases are informed by a complete and accurate understanding of current scientific and medical research about HIV, and take into account the social contexts of living with HIV

 In December 2010, Ontario’s Attorney General committed to developing prosecutorial guidelines.

 In Spring 2011, we consulted with people living with HIV, service providers, academics, scientists, lawyers and activists across Ontario.  The consultation was a partnership between the Working Group, the HIV & AIDS Legal Clinic Ontario and the Canadian HIV/AIDS Legal Network.  We wanted community input into the recommendations we would be making to the Attorney General.  We consulted with over 200 people across Ontario, in face-to-face meetings and through an on-line survey.  Thanks to all of you who took the time to participate—we appreciate that this is an exceptionally complex, difficult and emotionally charged issue. [Ed: ACG took part in these consultations]

 Highlights of the Report & Recommendations

 The Report & Recommendations is based on discussions, feedback and suggestions from the consultations, as well as discussion and analysis from among Working Group members.  Overall, we recommended that the Attorney General keep in mind four key directions when writing prosecutorial guidelines:

• HIV non-disclosure cases are complex
• HIV is a chronic manageable infection, not a death sentence, and HIV is not easy to transmit
• People living with HIV/AIDS face significant challenges, including social marginalization, stigma and discrimination
• Crown prosecutors should act with caution and restraint in HIV non-disclosure cases

 Engaging with the Ministry of the Attorney General

 In June we submitted our Report & Recommendations to Ontario’s Attorney General. 

 In early July we met with a representative from the Ministry of the Attorney General to discuss the Report & Recommendations.  At that meeting we asked the Attorney General to provide a timeline for completing their draft prosecutorial guidelines.  We are awaiting a response and will let you know as soon as we get one.

ACTION: What You Can Do Now

We need to continue to press to the Attorney General to draft prosecutorial guidelines as quickly as possible.  We are asking community members to contact the Attorney General, the Honourable Chris Bentley, and urge him to draft prosecutorial guidelines by the end of August.  We have written and posted on the Working Group website an electronic letter that you can sign and automatically send to the Attorney General: ontarioaidsnetwork.on.ca/clhe/letter.html 

For More Information

 www.ontarioaidsnetwork.on.ca/clhe/

 Or contact Ryan Peck, Co-chair of the Working Group at peckr@lao.on.ca.

Check out this great coverage of last weeks Royal City Roller Girls roller derby bout at the Sleeman Centre in Guelph.

 Positivelite has a great article on the Royal City Roller Girls

 By Megan, Positive Prevention Coordinator

Great news - there is now a yoga class available especially for ACG participants, volunteers, and their friends and families!

There is a suggested donation of $5 a class, and all proceeds go to the AIDS Committee of Guelph. The classes are at 79 Norfolk Street at Moksha Yoga Guelph. They are on Mondays, from 2:00 - 3:00pm, all summer long!

If you have never done yoga before, you might have some questions or concerns. I have done yoga for many years and am avid promoter of yoga as a form of exercise, a practice for stress-reduction and pain management.  So I thought I would address common concerns and myths about yoga that might be deterring you from accessing this opportunity.

Concern #1: I'm not strong enough / healthy enough / thin enough to do yoga

Actually, traditional yoga is a gentle practice that is perfect for people of any fitness level or health status. In my years of doing yoga, I have noticed that the classes are always full of people of all ages, shapes and sizes. If you're with a good instructor, they will provide gentle guidance and one-on-one instruction to help you get into the pose safely. Instructors will provide modifications to each pose so that it's tailored to your ability. There are also props (cushions, bolsters, blankets) that can be used as supports.

Concern #2: I fear I won't be good enough

Yoga is not about pushing yourself to do each pose perfectly. Contrary to the way that yoga is commonly presented in the media, yoga is not competitive or only for super-fit athletes. It's more about paying attention to what feels right in your body.

Concern #3: I'm not flexible

Flexibility is one of the benefits of yoga, not a prerequisite. I have always had very poor flexibility. This just means that I need to do modifications of the poses. I am usually not able to do the extent of what more flexible people can do in the class. And that's okay. I just do what I can do. Again, this is a form of exercise that is non-competitive and focuses on what your own body is capable of. It's a great way to gain flexibility without pushing yourself so hard that you get injured.

Concern #4: Yoga is too hard

Unlike some other sports, yoga is about gentleness and care for the body. When getting into a pose, you are always taught to stop if it feels painful.  Advanced poses like headstands or some other things you might have seen are not taught in beginner lessons. They are for people who have been practicing for many years, and come with a great deal of support from teachers over time.

Concern #5: Yoga is not a good form of exercise

Although a beginner's practice is often very simple, it also builds strength and, to some degree, endurance. It builds strength using muscles throughout the entire body and holding poses for as long as possible. It is especially good for core strength, as you will find that you utilize your abdominal muscles quite a bit.

Concern #6: Yoga is boring

For people who are used to fast-paced sports or team sports like soccer or basketball, yoga may appear boring at first. There is no music or chatting during yoga. The poses move slowly. Each pose takes time to set it up carefully and slowly. This is to help you bring thoughtful attention to your breathing and to what each pose feels like. You pay attention to the entire body, right down to the muscles in your toes. It is a way to get in touch with you body and what it needs. But the concentration also helps us to be more "mindful" in life, which in essence means that instead of thinking or worrying about the future or past, we concentrate on the present - what is in front of us right now. This very practice helps us to reduce stress and anxiety.

Concern #7: I can't meditate

Most yoga practices include at least a small amount of meditation. People who say they can't meditate may have only tried it once or twice. Meditation is just like a form of exercise. It's like running - you might only at first be able to run for one minute at a time. But if you keep practicing, you can run for longer and longer periods. The same thing goes for meditation. You focus on the breath, the mind wanders. You bring it back to the breath. The mind wanders. You bring it back to the breath. And so on. Eventually you can do it for longer and longer. It's all about practice.

Concern #8: I don't have the right clothes

Forget about LuLuLemon. All you need are clothes you can comfortably move around in.  Sweatpants, t-shirts, even pajama bottoms. Whatever moves with the body is just fine! For women though, I would recommend a sports bra under your shirt or a tank top that clings to the body so you don't worry about your shirt sliding down when you get into the "downward dog" or other poses where gravity is involved!

Any other questions or concerns about yoga? Feel free to ask me! Or, go right to the source and email the instructor, Jeff at jmartine@uoguelph.ca.

Have fun!

A reflection on the past, part one: A women’s intuition

By Church Mouse

It is fall of 1991, I am working in a little bakeshop/cafe. Things are great, I like my job, my boss and I have just moved into a funky little apartment with my partner Gordon, in the top of a house. The reason I call it funky was because it was painted a hideous colour of hot pink with black wall paper. Ouch! Having just finished a course in interior design I could see it had potential. I was up for the challenge. Little did I know that the challenge was going to be a intruder in our home, not invited, not expected, and not talked about enough previous to its arrival. AIDS: the monster at the door.

Why I got tested baffles me to this day. I feel it was women's intuition. Back then AIDS was referred to as something that only happened to gay men or if you had a blood transfusion or were using drugs. And certainly not if you were a woman.

After urging from family, I went to see a new doctor. After my physical, he told me he couldn't find anything wrong. I told him I was concerned about my rapid weight loss and feeling crappy most of the time. He informed me, " I can't find anything wrong with you!" Strangely, just as if I was saying pass the pepper, I said, “Maybe you should do an AIDS test?” Surprised by my request, he fumbled around with some papers and reassured me I didn't fall into any of the risk groups. Bold as could be, I said, “maybe you should do it anyway.”

So they drew blood and I left feeling that the tests would come back negative. So I didn't mention it to Gordon, went to work and carried on. Just prior to that first doctor’s appointment, Gordon and I had been sitting at home out of boredom I said "I wish something exciting would happen". Gordon replied, "watch what you wish for, it may come true".

Just two weeks later a phone call sends me back to this same doctor. Still not worried, I wait patiently. Finally he arrives with my file, no tell tale signs that his news is about to ruin my life. He matter-of-factly said, “you have HIV. There is a 50% chance you are going to have AIDS. Your partner must have been unfaithful.”
Unfaithful bloody Hell!!!! He doesn't know my partner from Adam. AND..........WAIT FOR IT… Wow! “You are my only patient that has tested positive!” Whoopie! What did I win??????????????? I can hear Bob Barker now, saying, “give that young lady a brand- new- car.!!!!!!”

Such a compassionate man. He gave me the number for Public Health and walked out. Compassion might have killed the old bugger! Obviously he wasn't going to risk it! Waiting there to see if he might return, I felt nothing but a whole lot confused.

The nurse entered the room with a very concerned expression on her face. She inquired if I was okay. My response was "you know, don't you?" She replied, “I did the blood work.” Could things get any worse? This was my sister’s life-long friend. She assured me that she was bound by confidentiality.

I left that office to meet a co-worker for lunch… needless to say I wasn't interested in eating and had a hard time following conversation. As quick as I could, I got myself out of there. The numbness seemed to be replaced with angry tears. My head was trying to figure out - what next? My heart was breaking because there was one more person who had to be told.

Walking felt like I was wearing boots full of cement. When I gradually arrived home, Gordon asked how did my appointment go? I burst into tears telling all that the doctor had said. Hugging me close Gordon calmly said, "we will deal with this the best that we can." So that intruder that entered in to our lives was about to get a swift kick in the arse and out the door! Discussing our future together we decided that knowing how we were infected was not going to change anything for us so we never pursued the issue. That way people cannot put us into a category to justify how we acquired HIV.

At the end of the day I was safe in the arms of the one I loved and trusted.

A reflection on the past, part one: A women’s intuition

By Church Mouse

It is fall of 1991, I am working in a little bakeshop/cafe. Things are great, I like my job, my boss and I have just moved into a funky little apartment with my partner Gordon, in the top of a house. The reason I call it funky was because it was painted a hideous colour of hot pink with black wall paper. Ouch! Having just finished a course in interior design I could see it had potential. I was up for the challenge. Little did I know that the challenge was going to be a intruder in our home, not invited, not expected, and not talked about enough previous to its arrival. AIDS: the monster at the door.

Why I got tested baffles me to this day. I feel it was women's intuition. Back then AIDS was referred to as something that only happened to gay men or if you had a blood transfusion or were using drugs. And certainly not if you were a woman.

After urging from family, I went to see a new doctor. After my physical, he told me he couldn't find anything wrong. I told him I was concerned about my rapid weight loss and feeling crappy most of the time. He informed me, " I can't find anything wrong with you!" Strangely, just as if I was saying pass the pepper, I said, “Maybe you should do an AIDS test?” Surprised by my request, he fumbled around with some papers and reassured me I didn't fall into any of the risk groups. Bold as could be, I said, “maybe you should do it anyway.”

So they drew blood and I left feeling that the tests would come back negative. So I didn't mention it to Gordon, went to work and carried on. Just prior to that first doctor’s appointment, Gordon and I had been sitting at home out of boredom I said "I wish something exciting would happen". Gordon replied, "watch what you wish for, it may come true".

Just two weeks later a phone call sends me back to this same doctor. Still not worried, I wait patiently. Finally he arrives with my file, no tell tale signs that his news is about to ruin my life. He matter-of-factly said, “you have HIV. There is a 50% chance you are going to have AIDS. Your partner must have been unfaithful.”
Unfaithful bloody Hell!!!! He doesn't know my partner from Adam. AND..........WAIT FOR IT… Wow! “You are my only patient that has tested positive!” Whoopie! What did I win??????????????? I can hear Bob Barker now, saying, “give that young lady a brand- new- car.!!!!!!”

Such a compassionate man. He gave me the number for Public Health and walked out. Compassion might have killed the old bugger! Obviously he wasn't going to risk it! Waiting there to see if he might return, I felt nothing but a whole lot confused.

The nurse entered the room with a very concerned expression on her face. She inquired if I was okay. My response was "you know, don't you?" She replied, “I did the blood work.” Could things get any worse? This was my sister’s life-long friend. She assured me that she was bound by confidentiality.

I left that office to meet a co-worker for lunch… needless to say I wasn't interested in eating and had a hard time following conversation. As quick as I could, I got myself out of there. The numbness seemed to be replaced with angry tears. My head was trying to figure out - what next? My heart was breaking because there was one more person who had to be told.

Walking felt like I was wearing boots full of cement. When I gradually arrived home, Gordon asked how did my appointment go? I burst into tears telling all that the doctor had said. Hugging me close Gordon calmly said, "we will deal with this the best that we can." So that intruder that entered in to our lives was about to get a swift kick in the arse and out the door! Discussing our future together we decided that knowing how we were infected was not going to change anything for us so we never pursued the issue. That way people cannot put us into a category to justify how we acquired HIV.

At the end of the day I was safe in the arms of the one I loved and trusted.

by B.J. Caldwell, Educator

Dale Smith at Xtra! National published a piece today that -- among other things -- highlights the spotty and inconsistent coverage for HIV drugs depending on which province/territory (or federal healthcare plan) you belong to. From the article:

Jim Kerr, the prairie regional HIV/AIDS director at the Canadian AIDS Society, learned about the pitfalls firsthand when he moved from Alberta to Manitoba. “In Alberta, all your HIV meds are covered under the catastrophic drug plan,” says Kerr. “In Manitoba, they have a pharmacare plan, which assesses a deductable, depending on your income. If I were still working and not retired, the first $6,000 would come out of my pocket unless I had some kind of co-insurance. For other people, the variety of those who do not have co-insurance, they’re falling between the cracks of our social safety net.”

The main thrust of the piece is the need for a federal catastrophic drug plan (as was called to be created by 2014 in the Healthcare Accord). While the current federal government has been resistant to move on this issue, it's two main arguments against action are dismantled in the article.

The article finishes with:

But until the provinces and federal government can come to an agreement on making drug coverage a national system that guarantees equal access, the patchwork between jurisdictions will continue forcing people to choose between getting medications they need and financial devastation.

To keep updated on current treatment issues in Canada, stop by CTAC (Canadian Treatment Action Council)

 ____________________________________________

Be sure and check out the free community workshops that we offer. Learn more about HIV. Hep C,. Harm Reduction, and LGBTQ issues. Check out our events page and scroll down to find the Community Workshops!

By Chat Junkie (Wayne)

A year ago this month I was in the second installment of the Positive Prevention Train The Trainer program not knowing where it was going to lead me. I honestly had my mind made up at the start that I probably wouldn't do anything, I didn't feel I could go out and facilitate workshops, do public speaking or even advocate for HIV and ending stigma. Within two weeks of completing the course, I had written my first blog and I was hooked. Learning about social media I found a way to believe I could do something because social media is the next big thing and I spend alot of time on the computer anyway. The message you want to get out can be send around the world in a second with one click of the mouse on my computer.

So now I am doing it all, I am now a blogger on the ACG site here and I write for another site called PositiveLite.com and I have my own domain on there called, appropriately, "Wayne's World". Believe me, it was totally their idea, I thought there might be a copyright problem. I can now go out and tell my story to put a face to HIV and hopefully end the stigma attached to it. In May I facilitated my first workshop on "Photography as a Hobby". I sit on the Board of Director's for the ACG as well. So its been one busy year for me and it has been very positive too. My self esteem is way up, I don't doubt myself as much, I go out and try things that I normally wouldn't. Last July I had to start medications because my bloodwork indicated things were happening that required me to start them, but now my health has improved considerably.

I have been joking around that I am like a "blogging pimp" because I am trying to recruit some other people to do blogging. There are people out there that need to hear our stories and to tell our stories can help us and maybe someone else. So if anyone is considering doing it, you don't have to use your real name, there are ways that are totally private and confidential. Megan and I would be willing to sit down with anyone and help you get started, just contact Megan at ACG and we can both meet with you, ummm.... Megan is pretty good at blogging too.

Next Thursday, July 14th 2011 will be the last class of Positive Prevention, the program is ending. I am really sorry to see it go, I would have volunteered to help again. I took the course, I volunteered to help for two other runs and I contributed to the Social Media class twice. Each time I was there I would learn new things, not always from the material but from the other participants. Most of all, I met some made some good friends.

The main thing I got out of Positive Prevention is that I need more than just my doctor to help me through this disease. I can go to the ACG for some help with certain things but they can't help me with everything either. I am able to do alot of the work myself and now I am "empowered" to do most of the work myself. Now I can say I'm a "low maintenance" man.

Thanks again to the ACG, to Megan and everyone that participated in this program, I am using much of what I have learned from you to help myself and hopefully someone else.

Introducing our newest blogger, Church Mouse!

"To blog or not to blog?" How it began for me:

I was at home one evening playing a computer game when I recieved an IM from my friend, Chat Junkie, inquiring if I would consider joining the team of bloggers at ACG.

Hummmm.... I had very little knowledge of what blogging was and a bit skeptical as to who would want to read what I have to say? Something else was nagging at me. Do you remember our parents saying. "if your friend decides to jump off a bridge are you going to do it too?" Well no, for one thing this little critter hasn't got her wings yet and can't swim either."

But seeing how happy and confident Chat is since he jumped out of the frying pan and into the fire, I want that for myself.

Now don't confuss me with the church lady because that's not who I am, that would be my 80 yr old aunt (kidding). The name "church mouse" just popped into my head - and decision made. I once asked my sister to describe my personality. She told me "I was outgoing in an understated way". I am "able to speak about HIV and AIDS in a large or small group but it is not an overpowering or all knowing prescence". I am not one to see the cup half full or half empty I just see the water in the cup.

I, the church mouse, am a woman in my early fifties. Diagnosed in 1991, I am a long term survior who has many experiences and stories I 'd like to share with you. I am sure that you will soon understand the little mouse with the big heart.

By Tim Walker

I hate Kraft dinner. Macaroni, cheese and me – we’re enemies.

Coming from a poor family, macaroni and cheese was something I’ve been forced to eat for as long as I can remember. It’s all, a lot of the time, we could afford. These days, I won’t touch the stuff.

I wasn’t born into an easy life. Our family was poor, I know Children’s Aid too well and ran to the streets at 15. During that time, I smoked crack to deal with a plethora of emotional issues, worked in the sex industry to make ends meet and stole bread from hotels when I was hungry.

At 18, I was diagnosed with HIV. I was told I had four to five years to live.

That was 20 years ago.

At the age of 24, I was faced with 14 years in prison. However, I was offered an opportunity to go to a drug rehabilitation center instead and after completing my therapy, and being given a suspended sentence by the court, I was given a position within the rehabilitation center and eventually became a counselor.

I realized I was the only one responsible for my safety and well-being. I’ve been able to maintain sobriety and learned to practice self-care.

At 27, I returned to Ontario to help my mother with her trucking company. I was parts manager and a trailer mechanic for the company. Unfortunately, she passed two years later. With a Grade 9 education, I opened my own trucking agency at the age of 29.

Shortly thereafter, I became sick. I went to welfare and then eventually Ontario Disability Support Program and have been on it ever since.

Recently, I completed an eight-week workshop at an AIDS Service Organization. During that time, I came across the Food Security Study, a national study that looks at the relationship between access to food and HIV.

I decided to get involved and became a Peer Research Assistant, someone who interviews and recruits other people living with HIV to share their experiences with HIV and access to food.

People with HIV are asked to complete one questionnaire and a 24-hour dietary recall. The nice thing is you’re paid $40 to participate in this study.

The Food Security Study is seeking 1,200 people living with HIV from Ontario, Quebec and British Columbia to participate in the study. The study is collaborating with more than 30 community based organizations. This is the first time that information from three major regions in Canada is being brought together to address the health needs of people living with HIV/AIDS.

We are dedicated to ensuring your privacy is carefully guarded. Information collected in this study is for research purposes only and will not affect the services you might receive from AIDS Service Organizations or the medical care you receive.

I know for me, being involved in community research is an investment in my own future and an investment for anyone else who is in need. Hopefully, this study will identify the risk factors and help lay the foundation for programs and policies that help people with HIV, and at risk of HIV, access healthy food.

With access to good food maybe, just maybe, we can avoid creating another Kraft dinner hater.

To participate in the Food Security Study, call 1-855-246-3388 or 416-969-4890.

More information about the study can be found here.

This weekend, ACG is moving to a new home. Here is everything you will need to know about the move.

Where are we moving to?

ACG is moving to Guelph Medical Place, 89 Dawson Rd., Suite 115, in Guelph.

What about Masai?

Masai is also moving to 89 Dawson; the Suite number is 113. You will access both services through the same reception area. All services, including bloodwork and laboratory services, will remain the same.

When are we moving?

The office will be closed the week of June 20 - June 24. We will reopen on June 27 at the new address.

Why are we moving?

Accessibility is one of ACG’s core organizational values. The new accessibilities standards for Ontarians with Disabilities is a new provincial legislation mandated for companies and organizations who provide goods and service to the public. Moving to a new location will allow for ACG to comply with this legislation and provide accessible services for participants, volunteers and the public to our organization.

As well, in recent years ACG programs and services have increased to enhance with our regional response to HIV and AIDS in Guelph and Wellington County. As a result we have outgrown our space which has resulted in the organization being creative in how we use space and deliver services.

What is the move going to entail, and how will it impact you?

During the office closure there will be a brief one week disruption to service. The office will be closed as phone lines and internet providers move our communication systems. The staff will require additional time to settle in, unpack and prepare to reopen. 

All ACG staff and services will continue as scheduled with funding cycles.

What about changes in facilities?

Restroom facilities - access to staff washroom in new ACG/Masai office is designated to staff only. However the new building will have public restrooms. Please be respectful of these facilities.

Kitchen space is reserved space for staff and volunteers only. Coffee and water will be available in the reception area.

What about the Syringe Distribution Program?

The program will continue offering bout outreach and in-reach services. No smoking or substance and drug use will be tolerated in these public facilities. Any illegal activity will jeopardize ACG tenancy, potential criminal charges may take place and individuals found using in washrooms will be banned from onsite ACG services.

Do I need to book appointments to access support services?

Yes. Benefits of booking appointments will include guaranteed time to meet with staff. This results in special time dedicated just for you. Walk-ins may not always be accommodated.

 How do I get there?

The bus number to and from is Route 22 Conestoga The bus arrives every twenty minutes. Begining with 3 minutes after the hour, 23 minutes after the hour and 43 minutes after the hours.

Can I still get bus tickets, taxi service, client drives and parking?

Bus tickets are available. Two per visit: one to go home and one to return for your next visit. Bus tickets can be accessed through the support program and NEP program. Taxi service is available for medical appointments only and for individuals who require additional assistance. Parking is available at the new location. First twenty minutes of parking is free or a three dollar flat rate. Participants of ACG's services will have free parking provided.

Will the phone numbers for ACG and Masai be changing?

No. All contact information will remain the same.

Will the hours of operation change?

No. Office hours will remain the same.

Thank you for your patience as we adjust to the new space!

By Chat Junkie

On May 24, 2011 I facilitated my first workshop called, "Photography as a hobby" and it went very well. I say my first because there may come a day when I would want to do another one, if I find a topic I know something about. Hmmm, maybe .........ummmm, blogging?, hmmmm!

It was very challenging sitting on the otherside of the table, and it was very tension filled too. Speaking in public isn't and hasn't been one of my strong points. Slowly this is all changing. I have to give alot of the credit to the Positive Prevention - Train the Trainer course I had the chance of taking. When I started it, I had no real intention of doing anything with it but near the end I thought about getting involved with the social media part. I spend too much time on the computer anyway doing things on "facebook" and "twitter" which are two of the biggest social media sites. Workshop facilitation was the far from being a possible goal for me but now I have one under my belt.

My workshop was based mostly on what I know and what I do as a hobby, I am not a professional but I do get some attention from people I share my photos with. I enjoy taking pictures, its a way to make some "ME" time. If I get stressed out or feel a little lonely, I pack up the backpack and head out for several hours. When I get home I can't wait to upload them onto the computer to see if I really got the pictures I was hoping for.

I will admit, it didn't all go smooth, I was very nervous at first and there were things I could have done better but thank you for feedback. I have a great appreciation for the participants as well, there was enough conversation on the topic that brought out more information than I had compiled for the workshop, thanks guys and gals. Good or bad, I can't wait to see all the feedback, I do want to try this again and I'm open to learn from you.

The workshop was topped off by going on a field trip, and we didn't have far to go. Just a couple blocks away there are some trails down along the river. Everyone got into taking some interesting pictures that we hope to publish into a book form to share. I have seen some of the pictures already, its so interesting to see how we all seen something but took the picture just a little different. That is the secret though, to quote Ansel Adams a great American photographer, "You don't take a photograph, you make it."

I would like to thank Megan DePutter and the ACG for allowing me to do this, it was a good thing for me, one more step in my journey forward. Heck, I have to thank everyone at the ACG, I have accessed all of the services at least once, so they have mentors to me. I guess I'm living proof, you are never too old to learn new things.

CATIE News - Trace contaminant found in some batches of darunavir (Prezista)

Janssen-Cilag International, the manufacturer of the anti-HIV protease inhibitor darunavir (Prezista), has announced that it is working with Health Canada and regulatory authorities in the European Union to deal with trace amounts of a contaminant called TBA (known under the chemical name 2,4,6 tribromoanisole) in certain batches of Prezista. An investigation by Janssen began after four customers complained of an unusual odour—which they described as being musty and mouldy—associated with their supply of Prezista. This resulted in nausea and gastrointestinal symptoms.
The corporation disclosed that in affected EU countries (specifically Austria, Germany, Ireland and the UK) it has been recalling contaminated batches from pharmacies and warehouses. At press time, Canadian authorities had not finalized a course of action. There are less than 300 bottles of contaminated Prezista in Canada. Fortunately, the contamination is not considered sufficiently serious to cause hospitalization. Contamination is thought to have occurred because wooden pallets containing TBA were used to move Prezista bottles to the factory. The corporation no longer uses these pallets.
In Canada, bottles containing 600-mg tablets of Prezista with the lot number ALZ0J00 were affected. According to Janssen-Cilag, anyone whose Prezista has an unusual odour should NOT stop taking Prezista and is instead encouraged to contact the corporation at 800.567.3331.

A very quick overview of Conference on Retrovirology and Opportunistic Infections (CROI) 2011 from The Body Pro by Paul Sax, MD:

1. A large amount of papers and discussion on HIV PRE-Exposure Prophylaxis (HIV PREP). Essentially, it works if you take it, but lots of people in the iPrEx study didn't fully adhere (especially in non-U.S. sites). And bone density goes down a bit in those receiving  tenofovir/emtricitabine [ (TDF/FTC) / Truvada ], long term implications unknown. Not many physicians are prescribing it (anecdotally).
2. Chronic Hepatitis C treatment is about to get MUCH more effective....and much more complicated. While the treatment success rates will make a big jump in the right direction, the new regimens just add another new drug to the existing challenging regimen of pegylated interferon and ribavirin. Telaprevir and boceprevir are the first two HCV-specific protease inhibitors (it was the first HIV-specific protease inhibitor that revolutionized HIV care in the mid 1990's). Drug-drug interactions with exisitng antiretroviral drugs and these new HepC-specific protease inhibitors will be really challenging to traverse for the healthcare provider. Great webcast here of a plenary given by Stefan Zeuzem that summarizes a lot of the key issues.
3. Once daily raltegravir (Isentress) doesn't work quite as well as twice daily raltegravir (which we have known for a while, but new detailed data were presented). On a raltergravir side note: 25% of HIV poz people (with no history of taking ARV drugs) that were put on boosted darunavir (Prezista) and raltegravir experienced drug failure. Since these are both two of our "best" drugs, this finding was confusing for many and has yet to be explained.
4. New drug alert: S/GSK1349572 (aka 572) is now called "dolutegravir" or DTG which has antiviral activity against some HIV which is resistant to raltegravir.
5. Two papers (here and here) show that blacks in the U.S. do worse than whites in clinical trials. The explanation must be (at least in large part) due to socioeconimic disparities, since clearly Africans are doing just as well on HIV therapy as people in resource-rich settings. It is critical to figure out why this disparity exists.
6.  Inflammation and immune activation continue to be hot topics. This is a field of HIV study that is relatively new and incredibly confusing. Summed up as "some markers/tests go up; others decrease; no one knows why; no one knows the clinical implications. This is an incredibly energized area of research these days.
7. If you have Tuberculosis (TB) and advanced HIV-related immune dysfunction (CD4 less than 50), the time to start HIV treatment is sooner rather than later. Untreated advanced AIDS is worse than the potential Immune reconstitution inflammation syndrome (IRIS) that can occur shortly after initiating HIV therapy in these patients.
8. Zinc finger nucleases are back being talked about again (see earlier ACG blog post)
9. Does protease-inhibitor based therapy in HIV positive pregnant women cause premature delivery? Europeans have been saying this for a while, and a new study from Botswana seems to support that view. The questions remain: how clinically important is this and what are the best alternatives to this therapy?

By Chat Junkie

Wow, it has been a long time since I wrote a blog for ACG, so I apologize for being gone so long and get busy here.

Again, just one more time, I really have to thank Megan DePutter and the ACG for running the Positive Prevention - Train the Trainer course. I was able to take it the second time it was going and then I volunteered to help with the third installment. When I started the course, I had no real plans of doing anything with it when it was over except to use the tools that I learned to help me take better care of myself and my health.

During my time in the course I spoke many times about being on the internet going into chatrooms and dating sites and shared some of the things I had experienced. I also shared many things you need to be aware of, so Megan suggested that I do some social media stuff and write something for the ACG Current Events blog about those experiences. Thats when things began to change for me. I wrote that article and then another and as of today and this blog, I have written 12 in total. I thought I had something to say, something to share. It was a way to advocate for Positive Prevention, to help stop the stigma and promote safe sex.

Megan showed me a couple internet sites that posted blogs and suggested I read some of it so I could see how it all works. I did follow one in particular, PositiveLite.com. I was very drawn to one writer in particular, his name is Bob Leahy. I sent him an email to tell him I liked his stories and his photos. I was fortunate that he emailed back and we have become friends. I told him about my blog postings on here and he liked what I was doing, so it was great for me to get that feedback.

Then one day, I was at a Hep C workshop in Kitchener and I was impressed to see what was being done in our area to help control the spread this disease. I approached Bob Leahy and asked if he would be interested in writing a story for PositiveLite on the Sanquen Centre, the first Hep C clinic in Canada and how they compliment the services of ACG and ACCKWA in Guelph Cambridge & Kitchener/Waterloo. The reply I got from Mr. Leahy was, "I think you should write it." I was very surprised and not sure if I could do anything on that level. I then asked Megan to do it and she basically said I should do it as well. With some encouragement, I decided, "alright, I'll do it". Knowing it will be read and edited by Bob before going up online made it a little bit easier, just a little bit, I admit, I was very nervous.

Well........that story needed a few very minor edits and it did very well for the blog........so I was told and I do believe them. I have now written another one that did very well, so well that they have asked me to be a regular contributor to their site. This is a good thing for me, I am so thankful to everyone who pushed me, and encouraged me to do this, it has been exactly what I needed. I have something to do again, my self-esteem level is way up, this is a very good year for me.

If anyone is thinking they would like to do something like this but unsure of their talents, don't dwell on it, try it. I didn't think I could do it. Social Media is the biggest communication service out there now, I'm learning how to do it as I go. Like all things in the technical world, it changes daily so you have to keep on top but as you make connections online, it becomes so much easier and friendlier. What you have to say can be read all around the world in seconds.

The last installment of Positive Prevention is starting on May 19, 2011 and I will be volunteering to help in some areas. I encourage you to sign up, if only for the tools to help you live better, healthier and/or getting involved to help others. For more information, contact Megan DePutter and come on out, you don't even have to cook on those nights, dinner is served.

By Megan DePutter and Gary Roche

Chat Junkie has written another post that is now available for viewing on PositiveLite.com, titled "Underwear………it’s what you have in them that counts".   It's an interview conducted with Tomas Toros, founder of BoXXXers(TM), a company that promotes the safe sex message with signature underwear with condom pockets for women & men.(Two percent of the sale of any BoXXXers product purchased in Guelph goes to support the AIDS Committee of Guelph & Wellington County.)

Meanwhile, we thought we'd give a shout-out to another supporter. As far as community and local business go in Guelph, NV Lounge continues to support the work of our agency and all of our fundrasing initiatives. They were the first business to support our "A Taste For Life" event three years ago and have been an on going participant since. They have joined forces with us with their Sex Trivia nights and Sex bingo for the last year with proceeds from bingo cards being donated to the agency. On Valentine's Day, together we brought that message to the bar scene through a fashion show night at NV with the product and models to raise the awareness of preventing the spread of the disease through the use of condoms with a fun twist. Owners Richard Overland and Randon Hiles have offered us a venue from which to promote a positive message about safe sex and through their generosity have raised the BAR on giving back to the community.

Thanks to our ongoing supporters and congratulations to Chat Junkie for yet another great blog post.

 By Megan DePutter, Positive Prevention Coordinator

Wanted to give a shout out to Chat Junkie whose blog post, "Fighting Hep C in the Waterloo Region of Ontario and beyond" was published on PositiveLite.com.

 By Megan DePutter, Positive Prevention Coordinator

The Guelph Mercury recently published a letter to the editor I wrote, which was a small comment on the attention our recent Harm Reduction Forum drew to Levamisole, a de-wormer that is being added to cocaine and causing many extremely dangerous health problems to the people who use the drug. The article was called, "Crack laced with dog dewormer latest danger for addicts, drug forum hears."

It would have been nice if the article was written with genuine interest in protecting the health of people who use drugs, but it seems so sensational that I felt it was written with less than sincere intent. It seems to draw attention to the dangers of drug use more than it does to highlight the existing answers and solutions that have already been identified.  The forum highlighted the importance of harm reduction and the many ways in which it can be employed to reduce some of the risks to people who use drugs and their surrounding communities. I was particularly moved when I saw the impressive involvement of people who have experienced chronic homelessness and addiction, who contribute to their community by participating in a variety of outreach strategies. It's an incredible contribution; the power of applying lived experience is amazing.  The peers' individual strengths, knowledge and compassion was priceless... why couldn't the journalist have focused on that?

It's important that our community endorse and support harm reduction. This would have been the perfect opportunity for the journalist in question to relay this important information to Mercury readers.

To be fair, harm reduction was discussed in the article in a positive way. I just wish that the article addressed it more clearly, and did not push the important part to the very bottom of the column.

Here's my response. I could have said a lot more, but instead wrote a more optimistic article that I felt had a decent chance of getting published.  My article, which they titled, "harm-reduction programs may help drug-users," was published last Friday.

By B.J. Caldwell, Educator

The Canadian AIDS Society has created a webpage dedicated to the upcoming elections on May 2. It takes a look at important issues relating to HIV and AIDS and those living with the virus:

Canada is committed to stopping new infections and ensuring the health of people living with HIV. To do so, we need political leaders from all parties to return funding promised to Federal Initiative to Address HIV/AIDS in Canada. We also need them to stand up and fight for the health and social policies that will stem the epidemic.

The Canadian AIDS movement can’t work alone. We need your help as voters to assist us in ensuring that our leaders also bring forward the important health and social justice issues that are at the root of the HIV/AIDS epidemic. Exercise your democratic right to vote and hold leaders accountable.

From their "Strategy" section:

This May, we encourage everyone infected and affected by HIV to cast their vote.

We call upon all community members to overcome the barriers that discourage them from voting. Factors such as homelessness, incarceration or lack of transportation should not prevent Canadians from voting. Information, awareness and community support work to make the voting process clear and accessible. Use the tools and information on this site to make this happen.

Sustainable Funding for the Federal Initiative to Address HIV/AIDS in Canada

In 2004, the Federal Government announced The Federal Initiative to Address HIV/AIDS in Canada: Strengthening Federal Action in the Canadian Response to HIV/AIDS. It included a funding increase from $42.2 million to $84.4 million by 2008-09. The full amount of the initiative has not been implemented as committed. The funding should have reached $84.4 million under the initiative this fiscal year, yet $11.8 million will not be released as intended. Over the last two years more than $21 million has not been distributed for treatment, care, support, and prevention, as originally committed. These reductions directly impact the AIDS service organizations that are providing front line service to people living with HIV/AIDS. The number of infections in Canada continues to increase and the national response is essential to prevent and treat HIV/AIDS in Canada. We are asking all parties to restore the $84.4 million to the Federal Initiative to address HIV/AIDS in Canada, as originally intended.

Health and Social Justice Issues remain at the Forefront of Candidate Debate

HIV is more than a health issue. An effective response to the epidemic must be tied to policies targeting social issues such as poverty, housing, human rights and harm reduction. CAS is calling on candidates to tell Canadians what they plan to do to address the social determinants of health, and uphold the social and economic rights of people vulnerable to, infected or affected by HIV.

Some of the issues they highlighted and encourage you to ask your local politicians about (some of these are external links):

Federal Funding for HIV/AIDS

Caregiving

Childcare

Drug Policy

GIPA/MIPA Principles

Palliative and End of Life Care

Gay Men

Harm Reduction (Substance Use, HIV/AIDS, and Hepatitis C

Homelessness and Housing

Medical use of Cannabis (Marijuana)

New Prevention Technologies

Poverty

Prisons

Public Health

UNGASS

Women

Youth

Don't forget to vote on Monday, May 2nd.

Just follow these kids from the University of Guelph (answering Rick Mercer's call for youth to vote):

By Megan DePutter, Positive Prevention Coordinator

I was pretty upset when I was forced to postpone last week's HIV & Aging workshop due to bad weather, but we've got another date scheduled! This PHA-led workshop is happening on Thursday (March 31) from 6-8pm at Sorbara Law. 

If you're interested in the topic, there is no shortage of opinions and information out there on the subject, particularly in the blogosphere.  Here are a few suggestions for good reading:

"The Long-Term Survivor Dilemma" - A blog post by Nelson Vergel on theBody.com

"My T-Cells could use a facelift" - a funny blog entry and video by the hilarious and talented Mark S. King

"To rent or buy?" - Personal reflections on rental versus home ownership with considerations to aging and living with HIV

"HIV and Aging" - thoughts from "Chat Junkie" on ACG's blog.

If you have recently read a great blog post that addresses these issues, please share below!

 

•HIV attaches to the CD4 receptors (and their co-receptors) on our CD4 immune cells (aptly named) and uses them to enter the cell and thereby make copies of itself

•A small percentage of people of Northern European descent (1-2.5%) have an inherited genetic mutation (delta 32 mutation) that alters the form of their CD4 receptors (actually, the co-receptor CCR5)  making HIV infection (and replication) very difficult, if not impossible.

•The treatment was safe and well tolerated.

•Their were CD4 cell count increases (the patients in the trial were HIV+, on HAART, with a low CD4 count) in 50% of the patients and a fixable reason why the other 50% didn't respond that could be addressed.

•These altered CD4 cells were maintained in the body throughout the study. Not only maintained, but with huge increases meaning that the altered cells were growing in the body.

•Three out of five of the responders had a normalized CD4/CD8 ratio which is a good sign of a healthy immune system

•Great news: CD4 altered cells were found in the rectal mucosa at all testing times throughout the trial. It also was found in other mucosal sites and the gut tract (another good sign!)

(•these patients will be followed for life to look at long term ramifications (positive/negative))

•long term effect: will it help or hurt long term prognosis?

•future studies of people already on treatment would require a Structured Treatment Interruption (which we know to generally have a negative effect on long term prognosis and not advised). Will future studies even be able to be ethically approved in light of this?

•what is the proper dosing?

•will this work in people with a detectable viral load who are not on treatment? (A small trial is underway now in San Francisco to look at this)

•what will be the cost?

•will this allow people to stop HAART or avoid it altogether?

By Chat Junkie

When I took the Positive Prevention - Train the Trainer course I heard someone say "I have HIV, HIV doesn't have me". This statement has really stuck in me and made me realize, there is still a lot more to me than this disease. HIV is in my blood, not tattooed on my face. I can get out there and do whatever I want to do, whatever I need to do to take care of myself and my health. I don't have permission to say his name in here but I would like to take this time and thank him for saying it. He was definitely sending me a message that I should think of and that message was received.

A while ago I read another mantra that I can identify with because I see how it has always been a part of my life, but it tells me I can change what has happened in my life. "I create or I allow everything that happens in my life" (Note: I have changed it to an "I" statement).

All of my life I have dealt with many changes, some expected, most unexpected, but they happened because I created them or I allowed them to happen to me. Through a lot of resiliency, something I wasn't aware I had, I have overcome a lot. I'm in my 50's now, still here and able to create or allow so much better for myself now. I have learned, I have new wisdom.

So getting back to Positive Prevention, I have that course to thank for helping me be able to put this all down here. In that course I learned my rights, how to eat properly, how to share and learn. Most of all I learned ways that I could get involved and advocate for HIV awareness and stop the stigma. At first I thought I would just do some volunteering, but the thought of "social media" kept going through my mind. I am on the computer alot so I thought I could do something to help getting involved this way. On the news everyday I hear so much about "social media" being so useful in getting the word out. Today, March 16th, I heard that studies have shown that the way people are using Twitter, it can predict changes that could happen in the Stock Market. I now have both feet deep into the social media pool and the information is flooding in. I am learning so much about changes and advances they are making in HIV treatments as well as the pros and cons. Alot of the news sounds good but you have to read into it all to see that there still is no cure for HIV and that some of the new developments are only a band aid that are not 100% effective.

All this is proof that I took those words and used them to help boost my self esteem, I have something important to do. My health is better, my counts have gone back up, the stress is practically gone now. It’s not a perfect world but I'm working on coming closer to it.

by Cheryl Bloemendal, Women's Community Development Coordinator

The AIDS Committee of Guelph & Wellington County is pleased to announce the launch of A Woman Like Me. The campaign is designed to encourage women to take an active and empowering role in their sexual health. The campaign was launched simultaneously across Southwestern Ontario in celebration of International Women’s Week.  

Women are increasingly becoming more likely to test positive for HIV. According to the Public Health Agency of Canada, in 2008 women represented 26.2% of all positive HIV tests in Canada. Approximately 300 women in Ontario will test positive every year.   

A Woman like Me features new materials including postcards, posters, and a (soon to be released) comprehensive booklet that will promote awareness of the risks women face in relation to HIV/AIDS and what precautions and resources are available to them. Look for the campaign materials in social service agencies, hospitals, universities and anywhere women access health services throughout the region. 

Here is the video for the campaign. It will be playing around Guelph for the next month in local businesses, doctors’ offices, and restaurants.  

By Megan DePutter, Positive Prevention Coordinator

Back in June, 2010, Poz.com published a post called "pawsitivity" on how and why pets can be great for people living with HIV & AIDS, and drew on the personal experiences of HIV positive pet owners.  For those who would like more information on caring for a pet, a new workshop hosted by Spark of Brilliance, led by the Ontario Veterinary College Community Program, will provide a chance to gain new skills. As you can see below, this workshop is on April 3 from 1-3pm. It's free, and will offer some refreshments. You can even bring your furry friend along!

I thought I would share some good resources to spring forward yesterday, on the 100th anniversary of International Women's Day, highlighting how women are affected by HIV worldwide.

1. The press release by the Canadian AIDS Society encourages strong leadership by women in the Canadian HIV & AIDS movement, and argues that we need to address the issues holistically:

Depression, poverty, violence and injection drug use are contributing factors to HIV infection among women. There is an urgent need for more comprehensive and consistent prevention education programs targeting women.

2. In this press statement put forward by the United Nations, we see that nearly 16 million worldwide are living with HIV and this number is only growing. The statement also highlights that we cannot attack women's infections rate while simultaneously ignoring rape and sexual assault, as women's ability to protect themselves and make decisions about their own bodies and sexuality goes hand in hand with HIV prevention.

3. The World Health Organization put forward a statement titled, "Celebrations and Challenges on International Women's Day" - a perhaps overly-simplified yet nevertheless significant compilation of the challenges women are currently dealing with, making mention to the need for equal access to the social determinants of health, health research and technologies. HIV is not mentioned, but many of the issues highlight translate directly to HIV infection.

4. If you haven't seen it already, take a gander at the video "Equals" with Daniel Craig and Judy Dench, a video that seems to be making the social media rounds. It again does not address HIV directly, but it does address many issues that accompany HIV infection (such as sexual violence).

5. I enjoyed this article produced by Shameless magazine, highlighting existing challenges for women at home at across the world and demonstrating that International Women's Day still matters.

I hope that everyone spent some time yesterday reflecting on the past, honouring women today and looking forward as to how we can collectively address the challenges of the future.

Today, March 8th, 2011 marks this year’s International Women’s Day. It is a day to celebrate the economic, political and social achievements of women past, present and future. Over the last 100 years, we have seen tremendous changes in the way women have been viewed and treated. Women have established themselves as legal persons, won the right to vote and participant in government, attend university, work and raise a family, but most importantly earned the right to choose their own path in life.

Even with the advances that have been made, the unfortunate fact is that women are still not paid equally to that of their male counterparts, women still are not present in equal numbers in business or politics, and globally women's education, health and the violence against them is worse than that of men.

International Women’s Day reminds us of what women have gone through, what still lies ahead, and inspires women by celebrating these achievements.  The day is dedicated to recognizing the fact that securing peace and social progress and the full enjoyment of human rights and fundamental freedoms require the active participation, equality and development of women. The day is also an opportunity for our community to come together to unite and create meaningful and positive change for the future.

Women’s history regarding HIV and AIDS is also filled with struggles, challenges, and successes. After the first HIV diagnosis in Canada in 1983, the American Medical Journal published an article in 1985 claiming that women’s rugged vaginas will protect them from HIV infection, leaving women misinformed and therefore more vulnerable to HIV infection, as we now know that women are physiologically more susceptible to HIV than men. It wasn’t until 7 years later in 1992 that the rugged vagina myth was finally debunked in AIDS in the World and the World Health Organization listed women as a group at risk for HIV infection.

Today, many Canadian women are living long, healthy and empowered lives with HIV, thanks to medication, healthy lifestyles, and access to health care. Unfortunately due to socio-cultural factors such as marginalization, barriers to health care, poverty, and a lack of control over sexuality and sexual relationships, not all women have access to the treatment and care they need to prevent or manage HIV.  

This year on March 8th, celebrate the women around you.  Take time to remember the past, learn about the achievements of notable Canadian women and inspire those around you to do the same.  Take time to learn about HIV transmission, risk reduction, and prevention and how the disease affects both men and women. Pass the information along to those you love.

Happy International Women’s Day Everyone!

By Chat Junkie

In early January of this year I signed up for a workshop called "Speaker's Bureau". I told myself last year that I would take as many workshops as I could fit into my schedule, I wanted to learn more about HIV and "Living" with it. I never even thought about it, or asked what exactly it was all about. Speakers Bureau is learning how to go out into the community and tell your story to groups of people and try to put a face to HIV, not letting HIV be just a number, just a statistic. People out there need to know who can get HIV.

So, who can get HIV? Using myself as an example, I am someone's son, brother, cousin, I am someone's father, uncle, grandfather, hopefully someone's great grandfather someday. I was someone's co-worker, someone's friend, a classmate in school or someone they sat beside on the bus today. Unless you know that I have HIV you wouldn't guess it by looking at me. HIV positive people don't have a tatoo on their forehead, most of us look just as healthy as anyone else they pass on the street.

Now I have to do five "speaks" to get my certificate which I am really looking forward to. This is something I have thought about doing. Yesterday (Feb. 23) I had an opportunity to talk to some University students at the ACG office. I thought I was prepared but when I entered the room it became a very small room, I got nervous. I told as much of my story as I could and then answered questions, some very good questions. One in particular I wished I could have answered better was, "What message or a couple of messages would I want them to take and pass along in their future work?" I believe that was the way it was worded, or close anyway. I was stumped, I had a list of them here at home on the computer but didn't make a copy to take along with me. Message to self, make a copy of that list, keep with you at all times!

In response to that question now, I would say to them, if you are working with someone who is newly diagnosed, encourage them to find someone they can trust full heartedly and tell that person. Building a solid support team is one of the most important things I needed. Have the person get involved in his/her healthcare, educate themselves on what it will take for them to live long fulfilling lives because you do live with HIV now. Have them enlist the help of their local Aids Committee and attend workshops, especially the Positive Prevention course, the best course ever. Each time it runs there is new information dealing with medication advances, HIV and the law are just some. The Aids Committees can also help them find safe places to go for help where they will be welcome and made to feel comfortable.

After it was over, of course you always think of something else. My thought was, after listening to me, a person over 50, if it was a help to them, being that they were all in their very early 20's. I guess when they start work out in the community they will work with people of all ages so I am thinking it was important to hear it from someone older. ‘Another note to self, ask for some feedback in the future!' Jeeeeze, and they even taught that in the course.

So I need four more speaks to get my certificate and I'm willing to continue as long as there are people to listen. If anyone knows of a group that could benefit from listening to some of us tell our stories, there are a few people who will do this through ACG, just contact B. J. Caldwell and hopefully he can work it out with you.

 

To read more on the safety of personal lubricants for rectal use, read IRMA’s Q&A for HIV educators and advocates.

By Megan DePutter, Positive Prevention Coordinator

Now that we are into February, our local HIV testing campaign has officially come to a close. However, I'm happy to say that until otherwise specified, anonymous, rapid HIV testing will continue at the AIDS Committee of Guelph weekly on Wednesdays from 1:30 - 3:30pm.

Last week I attended the Gay Men's Sexual Health Summit in Toronto, where I participated in sessions both on HIV testing and social media. There was some fantastic overlap of these goals and tools. I love seeing innovative solutions to solve complex problems, particularly when it comes to sexual health.

For example, I was really impressed to see dramatic results in the testing campaign run by the Regional HIV & AIDS Connection in London (formerly AIDS Committee of London). In fact, rates testing done in the Options clinic were increased by 100% when compared to one year ago. Amazing! You can view the campaign site here.

Other neat stuff I discovered includes a really neat little iphone app by Toronto Public Health called M2Men, providing easy access to sexual health resources across the city for gay men and men who have sex with men. You can download the app from itunes here.

In addition to this, Toronto Public Health also has a text messaging service called TOHealth, targeted to youth, to provide sexual health information in a private, confidential way. This system allows information to be downloaded and shared with friends easily and confidentially.

During the plenary session on testing at the summit, one of the speakers casually mentioned that he would like to see an iphone app that sets dates and reminders of when you should be tested for various STIs (syphils, HIV, etc) based on risk level. Since it can be sometimes challenging to figure out how often to be tested, for what, and where to go, it strikes me that this app might be an neat little development idea for the future.

Props to so many people and agencies doing such innovative work promoting HIV testing. I'm hoping that our work with the fall/winter campaign will have a lingering snowball effect in Guelph & Wellington County. And I'm extremely happy that weekly testing will continue and will look forward to resuming the campaign again in the fall.

By Chat Junkie

On January 19th the ACG held a workshop on "Resiliency" so I signed up to take it, not really understanding what exactly it is. I don't even use this word. I don't use the vocabulary that most people seem to use. I was once described as being or having a "fiduciary" something something. I learned it meant something about the job I had done as a caretaker or being a caretaker, I don't know. See, I can't even explain it.

As we went through the workshop I learned that I have confronted many situations in my life with resiliency; I got through many of them and became a better person because of how I handled it. It might have been easier if I had known what it was, that it had a name. Only one problem with that was, it started long before computers and Google. Many times I thought, "I can't do this, I can't do that", I would make excuses to not even try. I have always been my worst critic and to some people, they think I put myself down too much. To be honest I would prefer having more feedback in my life than praise for the things I do.

When I was training for a new career a few years ago, two of the places I did my practical work in checked everything off in my report as "excellent, perfect, very good". I knew I didn't do everything perfect, I even had to be told a few things over and over, "you have to do it this way, you have to be faster". Then I went to a third place to work and at the end, my supervisor wasn't as impressed with my performance and she put it in writing. I was actually relieved; I had some things I had to work on..... finally.

Getting through this career change was a test of resiliency. I was 52 years old, I was told my job was ending after twenty seven years - what was I going to do? I knew I had to make a plan and it had to be something far from what I was doing. I worked in factories for over 30 years, I did not want to go back and those jobs don't hire people in their 50's much. I set up the plan, I believed in it and convinced all the people I needed to help me realize it, and then it all fell into place. A year later and I was working again. Everywhere I applied for work wanted to interview me and I was hired by three employers.

Taking the Resiliency course allowed me to remember all the times I was in a stressful place but here I am today. There are solutions to getting past these times and this course gave me a better understanding of what I had experienced. I also learned ways to cope with getting through them. What I am doing here is a part of me being resilient, going forward, hopefully giving encouragement to others to look at themselves and realize what they need in their lives to move on to be healthier and happier. I find most of the courses are common-sense based - I know this stuff but I don't recognize it as being this or that, I just do things. Now I learn why they are important, why I did it this way or why I should do some things a little differently next time. Being in a group also helps; you can learn from others’ experiences.

So if there is any message from me to you on this subject, if you know there are things you need to do to move forward and be healthier and happier, be "Resilient", take this course the next time it runs and any others that will be offered. The ACG strives to use competent facilitators to present these workshops and many times PHA's like ourselves can be a part of the presentation as was the case in this workshop. Another point I should make here, in all the workshops it is of the utmost importance that information shared is confidential and private. What is said in the class stays in the class. I have been to many workshops over the last few years and I find others are very respectful of this rule. Everyone is very supportive of the others.

by Chat Junkie

Over the past few years I have lost part of the support team that I had in place or thought I had. The hardest part of finding the right support people is finding people I could trust. During this time I have had to re-evaluate who were my friends and who were just acquaintances and question who in my family I could count on. When I had a falling out with some of them my HIV status got passed around so fast, most of it on the internet and to people I don't know.

There was a time when I was first diagnosed, I would go every 3 months to have my bloodwork done at a clinic (I won't name here) in this area. I would walk in, drop my paperwork at the reception window, and one person behind that window always made an issue of bellowing out my information. If she was doing the paperwork, she had to ask the others questions and if someone else was doing it, she would have to blurt out instructions on what to do with it. I can't be positive everyone knew what a CD4 or Viral Load was but I'm guessing alot of people might. It was very uncomfortable I tell you. I needed to find a better place to go.

As for my doctor, I was seeing a GP (General Practioner) for several years but when I was diagnosed he sent me to see someone more specialized in HIV. At first it was only suppose to be "a once in awhile, once a year" checkup. Then one day the GP told me that he didn't know what he was suppose to be looking for or how to treat anything that might come up. I asked him if he could get me the specialist full time and it was arranged immediately, I was so grateful, I felt so much better.

I got involved with the ACG (Aids Committee of Guelph) as soon as I could to get some councelling and find better places to help with my care and my health. Learning that there was HIV friendly dentists, labs, doctors and support programs for me was so enlightening. I felt so much better, more confident that I was going to be alright. I had friends that were HIV positive but had never discussed anything with them. I knew that I could live a long meaningful life with HIV, I just had to find my own way and find the help I needed. Now, I know of friendlier places to have my bloodwork done, where to have my prescriptions filled, dentists in the area that are sensitive to my privacy and dignity, and that is very important to me.

I never got the luxury of picking my family, most of them are great but there are some that I can live without if it isn't good for health, my stress level or coping capabilities. I will be more selective on picking my friends from now on, this I have total control. Some people come and go in my life but I have alot of support now, I can see it and I feel it.

To all of my supporters, I thank you, and you know who you are (if you're reading this, if not I will forward it later, haha!).

By Chat Junkie

In the Positive Prevention - Train the Trainer Course, the subject of HIV disclosure & the law was covered with a facilitator from HALCO- HIV & AIDS Legal Clinic (Ontario). After the presentation we were all asked how we felt about this information. My reaction was that it scared me. Unless I can prove I disclosed to someone before having sex, then I can be prosecuted, and I could go to jail. How do I prove that I disclosed? The other person can be HIV positive as well and still claim that I could have put him at risk for a re-infection, the same law would apply.

I made up my mind, when I do meet the right person, he will totally understand the risks, understand the law and why I have disclosed to that person. It seems like an impossible thing to do sometimes - who is going to want to get involved and go through all of that? But I know there are people out there that will do this and for the right reason.

Still, let’s say I meet someone, we date for a while, I have disclosed to the person, we practice safe sex, everything is great until one day, something happens and it’s over. Now based on what I believe to be the law, this person can go to the police, claim I didn't disclose my HIV status and I am charged.

So how do you prove that you have disclosed? A few suggestions that came out of the Positive Prevention Course and literature supplied suggested that you discuss your status while socializing with friends so that your friends can see that you told the person, then you have a witness. Another suggestion was to seek relationship counselling and discuss everything with the counsellor, again you have a witness. The suggestion of writing up a letter and have the person sign it was also discussed but it was determined to be not a very easy thing to prove even if it was drawn up by a lawyer.

As most of us know, having HIV is a learning experience. There is always something new that we have to be educated in that is important to our mental and physical health and now our legal rights. If they are going to criminalize for non-disclosure, then make the laws fair.

The Ontario Aids Network is circulating a petition online at the address below. You can find more about the changes to the laws concerning discloser. These laws have to reflect our human rights so please read the objectives and sign the petition; I did.

http://www.ontarioaidsnetwork.on.ca/clhe/

To find out more about HIV and the law, Halco can be reached by:
Phone:1-888-705-8889
Website: www.halco.org

I also found this article on a site called Positive Lite, written by Bob Leahy. There are two short videos attached to the article on the laws and how stigma plays a part in the making of the law changes. The cases discussed are in the United States but they could play a part in what Canada is trying to do.

By Megan DePutter, Positive Prevention Coordinator

If you are living with HIV, here are five New Year's resolutions you might want to make:

1. Quit smoking:

HIV infection increases your risk of lung cancer by 80%. But smokers are 10 times as likely to develop lung cancer. So if you are HIV positive, and you smoke, you're at much greater risk of developing lung cancer.

2. Eat  better and reduce your sugar intake:

Did you know that refined sugar is "by and large the worst additive for the immune cells"?  I've posted links to some good information on HIV and nutrition here. Also check out CATIE's nutritional resources online.

3. Get more (load-bearing) exercise:

If you're HIV positive, you have a greater risk of osteoporosis. This year, resolve to take good care of your bones by hiking, walking, dancing, or lifting weights. Learn more about osteoporosis and exercise here or visit my blog post on tips for hiking.

4. Have more sex:

We talk a lot about the risks associated with sex, but what about the health benefits? In addition to pleasure and intimacy, sex is associated with positive health outcomes such as reduced blood pressure, increased longevity, lowered stress and reduced pain.

5. Have more fun:

What's wrong with putting fun on the top of your agenda? Laughter helps to reduce stress and provides a good abdominal work out.

Enjoy 2011, everyone!

By Megan DePutter, Positive Prevention Coordinator

Just a reminder that the office closes tomorrow (December 24) at 1:00pm and will reopen on January 3rd. I would like to take this opportunity to thank everyone who has contributed to ACG in the last year - volunteers, participants, community members, the Board of Directors, the staff, and all of the people who have participated in my program. It's been a wonderful year and I wish each and every one of you a terrific year ahead.

Have a happy holiday and happy new year!

Megan

Following the November recap of media putting ACG in the spotlight, I thought I would draw your attention to a recent article (from last week) in the Guelph Mercury  titled "Needle-exchange program seeing growth in Guelph and Wellington" where our Harm Reduction Outreach Coordinator, Natalie Basaraba, was interviewed.  I personally thought the article was a good start towards generating public support for harm reduction practices and principles. The article focused on the benefits of harm reduction and was not sensationalistic, which is great to see.  Check out the article here and share your thoughts!

By Chat Junkie

Thursday December 2nd was the last day for the third installment of Positive Prevention - Train the Trainer, and my second time going through it. This time though, I was the volunteer helping Megan. The purpose of the course is to hopefully get people involved in a volunteer role or advocating healthier and safe lifestyles for people living with HIV.

When we started doing the course this time, I thought it would be a repeat of the one I went to. I was surprised to learn that there were many changes to some of the topics, like how the laws concerning disclosure had changed in just a few months. There was also some new information on changes in medications and treatments. But most of all, I learned more about myself from listening and sharing with the other participants. The more people we meet that are living with HIV can only help us learn more about our own feelings and our health. I am happy to see the direction the ACG is going, so many good things happening in education, support services, workshops and volunteering. We need this agency and they need to know how they can help us to improve the services. Without them, we only have our medical support.

I had my mind set to volunteer again but someone from this last course spoke up before I did so I wish this person a lot of encouragement; it is very rewarding. Several people who have taken the course have done something to help in some way. Not all opportunities put us out on the street banging a drum; there are many ways we can help ourselves and our agency that protect your privacy. Believe me, this was a real issue of mine.

The next course is on the schedule to start in the new year, call Megan if you are even curious about it, get more information and maybe give it a try, it might really help.......and dinner is supplied, so no rushing home before classes.

I must be getting better at this blogging stuff, I said so much in less words, this is all I got for now.....so till the next time, take care and ........ think about it!

 By Megan DePutter, Positive Prevention Coordinator

Catching up on my reading at PositiveLite.com, I noticed this cool post by Bob Leahy, and his interview on the news. I thought the interview was well done, and that Bob did a great job. I'm glad that they touched (albeit briefly) on some of the complexities to do with HIV & aging.  Thought you might like to watch!

By Megan DePutter, Positive Prevention Coordinator

I just wanted to follow up by saying thank-you to those who participated in the World AIDS Day events.  The vigil was absolutely beautiful. And I really appreciate the two volunteers who helped us promote the vigil and World AIDS Day by handing out red ribbons downtown. It was super cold out, but we were warmly received by most, which I thought was excellent news. Most people were very receptive to the cause and happy to don the red ribbon. After a few hours we started to see downtown flooded with people wearing red ribbons. To me, it is a good sign that the people in our community recognize the importance of this symbol.

At the risk of being too flippant about an important issue, I couldn't help but compare us to the "ribbon bullies" from that ancient Seinfeld episode.  No, we didn't chase anyone down or beat them up just because they refused to wear the ribbon!

 By Megan DePutter, Positive Prevention Coordinator

AIDS Awareness Week has come to a close. Thank you to everyone who participated in the events of last week.  ACG has been in the media quite a bit lately, which is fantastic. Here is somewhat of a recap of the local news that has mentioned ACG and promoted World AIDS Day. 

AIDS threat remains, despite ‘luxury’ of living in North America

Guelph symposium examines advances in HIV prevention

Leave a Big Tip at PJ’s for the United Way

And, although ACG is not mentioned, you may also want to read: 

My World AIDS Day vision for all by Anne-Marie Zajdlik

Enjoy!

by B.J. Caldwell, Educator

On Wednesday December 1, Hollywood dies digitally to raise awareness for World AIDS Day. The world’s top tweeters are making the ultimate sacrifice, leaving their 30 million followers in the dark until $1,000,000 is raised to buy their digital lives back.

Participating talent (most are featured in the video below): Alicia Keys, Lady Gaga, Justin Timberlake, Usher, Jennifer Hudson, Ryan Seacrest, Kim and Khloe Kardashian, Elijah Wood, Serena Williams, socialite Daphne Guinness, R&B sensation Janelle Monae, Twilight’s Bronson Pelletier, singer Kimberly Cole, Alicia’s husband, Swizz Beatz, and the cast of MTV’s The Buried Life.

By Megan DePutter, Positive Prevention Coordinator

I recently re-watched the first season of one of my favourite TV shows... Queer as Folk*. In watching the episode where "Ted and Emmet get tested for AIDS" (Season 1, episode 11), I noticed plenty of inaccuracies and some common myths.  Although it's a decade old now, many of these common myths persist.  The media can have a profound influence on our ideas and attitudes towards sex, so I thought I would address this episode, correcting some of these myths and hopefully providing a somewhat more realistic portrayal of the testing process.

So, first check out the episode here.  The scene with the doctor, to which I will be referring, begins at exactly 7 minutes in.  At that moment, Ted and Emmett are in the doctor's office waiting to get tested, since Ted had unprotected sex with someone he just learned is HIV positive.

Fallacy #1:  You can get tested for AIDS.

In the description of the episode, "Ted and Emmet get tested for AIDS."  But there is actually no such thing as an AIDS test; testing is done for HIV, not AIDS, and technically, the test looks for HIV antibodies, not the virus itself. Keep in mind that HIV and AIDS are not the same thing and that proper treatment can delay or even prevent AIDS from ever occurring.

Fallacy #2: Spermicidal lubricant should be used by gay men to help prevent HIV infection

Emmet lectures Ted on his failure to use a condom. Emmet boasts, "I always have condoms, spermicidal lubricant..." and in response, Ted calls Emmet the "Safe Sex poster boy."  But Emmet is incorrect. Although spermicide was touted in the late '80s as an effective means to prevent HIV, we actually know that now spermicide causes damage by causing lesions in the rectum (or vagina), which can lead to easier HIV transmission. All condom companies but Trojan discontinued their condoms with spermicidal lubricant after studies revealed this risk.

Fallacy #3: You and your friend can get tested for HIV at the same time

Emmet tells the nurse that he is only getting tested for moral support. While it might be a good idea to bring a friend to the testing location for moral support, the nurse is unlikely to allow your friend to come into the testing room with you.  In the show, the test is done without any pre or post test counseling. In real life, the nurse will ask you a few questions about your sexual activities and intravenous drug use. This information is confidential, and, since you might feel uncomfortable answering honestly in front of your friend, this needs to be done privately.

Fallacy #4: The nurse or doctor will reassure you of a particular outcome

"I'm sure you'll be fine," says the doctor when Emmet declares that Ted is nervous.  As previously mentioned, the pre-test counseling provides the nurse an opportunity to counsel you on your level of risk. If you are having testing done at a clinic that also provides STI and viral hepatitis testing (like the AIDS Committee of Guelph), you will jointly decide what other tests to have.  However, a nurse or doctor would not reassure you of an outcome; they will instead help you assess risks of various kinds of behaviour and make decisions accordingly.  This is part of the pre-test counselling that is not shown in the show.

Fallacy #5: The nurse will call you with the results.

At 14 minutes into the show, the nurse phones Ted to tell him that he is negative. This is unlikely.  More likely is that Ted would be asked to return to the office for his results. It is not standard practice to give someone their results over the phone.  Post test counseling would be provided at this point.

Rapid testing takes about 20 minutes. If the results are negative (non-reactive), you will know right away. If the results are reactive, they will be sent away to a lab for confirmation and you will be called back into the office at a later time. Positive results are not given over the phone.  In fact, it is not standard practice to give any results over the phone, however it can happen in rare circumstances. 

Fallacy #5: Being "AIDS-phobic" protects you

Subsequently, the tables turn and Emmet fears he is HIV positive as he waits for his results.  Ted reassures him by saying, "Emmett, you cannot be infected. No-one in the world is more HIVphobic than you. You practically boil the sheets!" This line particularly bothered me. AIDS phobia is a big problem and a major contributor to the spread of HIV.  Being fearful of HIV or stigmatizing people who live with HIV will not protect you. It will only help to create a discriminatory and hostile environment for people who are living with HIV, making disclosure more difficult and discouraging people from accessing testing, treatment, and information about safer sex.

Furthermore, boiling the sheets will not protect you from HIV.  You can't get HIV from bed sheets or towels, talking, shaking hands, hugging, kissing, or sharing food, water, eating utensils, pools, or toilets.  The sooner these myths evaporate, the better.

I commend Queer as Folk for bringing up many important issues that the media often avoids. However, it’s important to have good media literacy skills. Whenever a TV show provides information about sex and risk, it’s a good idea to follow up with a reputable source to clarify and make sure you have the proper information.

*Picture from Showcase.ca

by Chat Junkie

Over the past couple months I have attended the Opening Doors Conference and The AIDS Awareness Symposium and have seen a few workshop/speakers talking about HIV and aging. I realized that I have not even given much thought to this aspect of my life. In other workshops I have met people who have lived 25 - 30 years with HIV, through all of the hard times dealing with the old medications and treatments. These people talk of getting their diagnosis and being told they may not live very long but are surprised somewhat to still be here. I now know the real meaning is behind the saying, "you live with HIV, you don't die from it".

When I was first diagnosed, my counts were so close to normal they had to do them again to be sure it wasn't a false positive. I was also told I didn't need medications right away, that it may be 10 years down the road. Well, I made it seven and a half years. My doctor also said that I would probably die of something else, unrelated to HIV, with good health and taking care of myself I could live a long time. I see that being the case more and more as I learn about all of this. I have to thank the ACG for being there when I needed them. If I just had my doctor for support and education on my illness, I don't think I would be as aware and as healthy, mentally or physically, mind you my doctor makes me do what I have to do. He is very aware of many things but the support part he doesn't have alot of time for it. The ACG can't do everything either but they have links to other services throughout the city that can help us, places that we can feel comfortable going to because they are respectful of our situation.

So it looks like we are going to get old, like the rest of the population and there will come a time when we will be heading into longterm care or just living on our own. I hope the latter is true for me. It is a tough thing to face for anyone but are the homes and staff in these places ready for us? Do we need places for HIV clients/residents only? Having some exposure working in those facilities, I know there are some workers who are still afraid of the term “HIV”, nevermind actually working with someone who is positive. They are taught to use Universal Precautions and it is the same with every resident but the stigma of HIV still lives in many people. When we reach the time where we need these services, our medical history goes with us and the people who will care for us will know it all.

I am now over fifty so this really got my attention in the last few months and I would like to see more information and I have offered to help get it, be it workshops or educational programs, whatever. I want to know it will be there when I get there. These things don't happen overnight and I don't plan on needing it right away so there is time. We need to get out there and educate the healthcare system that we are coming....................not right away but someday.

At the Opening Doors conference that was held in Burlington on November 2nd and 3rd, Françoise Mathieu gave a presentation on Compassion Fatigue.  She was a dynamite speaker and presented a lot of information on how to recognize the symptoms of burnout or compassion fatigue and prevent them in the first place.

Service workers who are exposed to clients' histories of trauma are often deeply affected in ways they're not always aware of.  If service workers don't take measures to protect and care for themselves, prolonged exposure to the suffering of others will ultimately cause burn out.  And burnout is a lot harder to repair than prevent, so finding ways of healing and self-nurturing before burnout occurs is critical.

Burnout can happen not just to service providers but to volunteers as well. I often tell my Positive Prevention participants to be aware that they can always say "no" when asked to speak, volunteer or participate at an event.  Our section on Boundaries in the Train-the-Trainer workshops is a good starting place, but sometimes the ability to say no goes against individuals' own instincts, and saying no or recognizing ones own limits can be difficult.  HIV & AIDS can be an emotionally difficult space in which to work and volunteer, especially if it triggers your own memories of stigma, abuse, addiction or shame.

Burnout and compassion fatigue isn't about weakness. It often happens to people who are dedicated and who are great at their jobs, because they genuinely care about the people they serve, and have the ability to provide empathy and sensitivity to the people they work with.

Preventing burnout is actually easier than it sounds. Many of the things we can do are things we already know are important to our health, but we might not make time for them - getting enough rest, eating healthy food, spending time with our friends & family, doing things that make us happy, getting exercise, managing our schedule in a way that it doesn't overburden us, debriefing after a stressful event with a supervisor, and finding ways to reduce stress and anxiety, such as yoga, breathing exercises, or meditation.  Sometimes we just need to make time to do the basic things we know will help!

There are some excellent resources on Françoise's website  and she even has a blog.

I thought I would share one excellent practice for simultaneously reducing stress and processing trauma in a healthy way. It's called a Metta meditation practice, also known as a Loving Kindness Practice.  Information and instructions about the metta practice can be found here.  Hopefully you will also find it helpful and relevant in this field.

Lastly, I wanted to remind the readers not to assume that yoga and meditation is an elite practice that only the rich can participate in.  Research studios in your area.  Most yoga studios have community classes or karma yoga classes on weekends that ask only for donations, pay-what-you can offerings, or canned goods that will be donated to the food bank.  Meditation classes in the community are often based on Buddhist principles that also just rely on donations or small fees. In both instances, no one will be turned away if they show up without any money, and most often these classes are advertised as free for those who don't have any income, or a reduce rate for those unemployed.  Research online or call up some studios and inquire. You might get connected to some great opportunities at next to no cost.

I hope these tips help you to prevent Compassion Fatigue in your work or volunteer placement.